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The Problem

We tend to believe that we are always right and if there is a problem in our relationship, then it is the other person who is to blame.  Therefore, if the marriage isn’t the way you wanted or hoped it would be, then it is quite natural for you to believe that if your spouse got himself/herself together, then the marriage would be in better shape.  We believe that we did not contribute to the marital issues.  The wife may believe that if her husband would help her do the dishes or do laundry, then their marriage would be much better.  The husband may believe that if his wife would have sex with him more often, then their relationship would be much more intimate.

It is true that the husband and wife contributes to the state of the marriage, however it is wrong and ill advised to blame your spouse if your marriage is a bad one. That will only produce resentment, which can lead to separation.  In most cases, both the husband and the wife have done their part in the state of a bad marriage, but it only takes one to get back on a path to happiness.

The Solution

First, you need to educate yourself about marriage in general and especially about your spouse.  You need to know what makes a marriage work and you need to get to know your spouse intimately.  Purchase books on marriage, watch videos about marriage, etc. to learn more about it from the “experts” or from those who have been married for a long time and have obtained a seemingly happy one.  Learn your spouse’s passions, goals, fears, etc.  Get to know what makes your spouse tick and what he/she is really like so that you can better communicate with him/her and you can better meet their needs in the relationship.

It is up to you to make your marriage a happy one.  This assumes that both the husband and wife want to be married and to have a happy one.  There are some cases where people get married for ulterior motives and really don’t care much about their marriage or their spouse.  However, in the case where the husband and wife really wants to be with each other in a lasting and happy relationship, then one can start the marriage on a path to happiness and the other will respond to his/her efforts and reciprocate.

Don’t wait until your spouse changes or starts “doing things right.”  You cannot change your spouse, but you can change yourself, which will cause him/her to change.  We humans tend to reciprocate how we are treated by others.  If someone treats us with respect, then we tend to treat that person favorably.  If someone treats you disrespectfully, then we tend to reserve kindness for that person.

So, do what you can to make your marriage happy without depending on your spouse to do his/her part.  Take the initiative to make things right and your spouse will get onboard, so to speak.

The Activities

What can you do to improve your marriage?  The first thing you may need to do is release the resentment that you have for your spouse for what you believe he or she has done wrong in your relationship.  Forgive your spouse!  Now move on in the relationship and treat him/her with respect, kindness, love, etc.  Be nice to your spouse and you will notice a response in him/her.  Correct any issues that you may be causing your spouse and watch how he/she works to correct any issues he/she causes you.  As you get to know each other and communicate with each other, you will be able to meet each other’s marital needs.

Help your spouse wash dishes, clean, cook, etc.  Share housework and other responsibilities where appropriate.  Treat your spouse to a massage, a night out, a caterer for dinner, a romantic night at a nice hotel, and much more.  Talk to each other about the things that are important to you in and out of the relationship.  Discuss your feelings and do what you can to make your spouse feel better.  Do what you can to help your spouse relax and be happy.  These things and more will help you obtain very good feelings towards your spouse and set the foundation for a happy marriage.  The two of you will become closer as time passes and be able to build the happy marriage that you both want.

So instead of blaming your spouse for the state of your marriage relationship, forgive him/her, and then do what you can to make the marriage happy.  Your spouse will respond, and your marriage will move forward to the destination of happiness sooner than you might think.

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