Reggie | Apr 3, 2019 | 0
How a Wife Can Cause Her Husband To Be Happy With Her
Watch the accompanying video of this post (about 31 minutes)
A man may be happy overall in his life, but still, have unhappy feelings towards certain things. For example, he may be unhappy overall in his life but feel happy about his wife. He may likewise have good feelings about his life overall but be unhappy about his relationship with his wife. So, let me provide some tips from a husband’s perspective on how a wife might keep her husband happy with her, which will contribute to her husband’s happy life.
Remember That He is Human
One of the things that I tell people many times is to remember that their spouse is human. Humans have very basic traits, which may be manifested or expressed in complex ways. For example, humans tend to want to be liked, loved, respected, cared for, needed, and have their lives mean something. Another very significant trait of humans that affects any relationship is that humans tend to respond to what goes on around them. For example, we tend to be nice to those who are nice to us. We tend to respond favorably when others relate to us favorably. Basically, humans tend to reciprocate behavior. Therefore, a wife should always recognize that her husband’s behavior may be a response to how she treats him over a certain period. If a wife treats her husband in a positive way then he will tend to relate to her positively. If a wife would look at her husband and think to herself, “This guy is a human being with feelings, vulnerabilities, pains, dreams” then she would be much more effective at making him happy with her.
Recognize that Men Are Different Than Women
I said that we are all human. However, our human traits may express themselves in any number of ways. Men and women have different ways of relating to the world around them even though we tend to want the same things. We all want to be happy. However, it is important that the wife realizes that men tend to interpret and express things differently than women. For example, the way she expresses and receives love may be very different than how her husband expresses and receives love. Once a wife becomes aware of the differences between her husband and her then the more she can communicate effectively with him in all areas of the relationship. As a side note, I read a book many years ago titled, “His Needs. Her Needs” by Willard F. Harley, Jr. In it, the needs and differences of the husband and wife are discussed in a very effective way. He discusses the concept of the love bank, which is very relevant to a husband accumulated feelings for his wife (and vice versa). I highly recommend the book.
Make him your hero.
I have been married for over 30 years at the time of this writing. When I was newly married to my wife, she had a habit of calling her father whenever there was an issue with our newly purchased house. I remember one instance when we could not get the front bay windows to open because the previous owners had painted them shut. Instead of allowing me to figure out how to get them open, my wife immediately said she was going to call her father. I reacted hostilely because I was so bothered by that behavior. I felt inadequate like I couldn’t do anything, and she had to call another man to rescue her. I told her how I felt and went on to get the windows open. She later said that she didn’t realize that I was handy around the house. How would she know if she didn’t give me the chance to demonstrate what I know by solving my own problems instead of calling her father so much? That situation highlights something that men want from their wives. Typically, men want to rescue the damsel in distress. That is why we so enjoy movies where at the end of the day, so to speak, the man saves the world and rescues the woman. If a man knows that he is his wife’s hero and could be called into action at any moment, then that would contribute to happy feelings towards his wife. So, give him the opportunity to be your hero.
Respect your husband at home and in public. Men want to be respected by their wives and when we feel that our wives do not respect us then we will tend to pull away from her. Him pulling away from his wife in this instance is his way of avoiding the pain that she causes him by disrespecting him. Her disrespect sends him the message that he is not loved, appreciated, and is not adequate. If you want your husband to be happy with you, then you must respect him.
Show Interest In What He Does
A husband will feel more appreciated by his wife if she shows interest in what he does, especially if she gets involved in some of what he does (and it doesn’t invade his “me” space). For example, if he likes to study the bible, then offer to study with him sometimes and discuss the things that you have learned and allow him to share what he has learned. Be careful because some of the things your husband likes to do, he likes to do alone. We all need time to ourselves so be careful not to invade his “me time.” A wife who shows interest in what her husband does is setting the stage for him to be happier with her.
Have Sex Often
A wife committing to having sex with her husband is not merely satisfying his libido, but rather sends him very important messages. Men show and receive affection towards and from his wife respectively through sex. A wife who is vested into a healthy sexual relationship with her husband sends him the message that she loves him, cherishes him, wants him, and loves him (Oh. Did I say that already?). If a man does not have regular sex with his wife then he WILL come to believe that she really doesn’t love him, want him, want to be with him, etc. (assuming there are no medical or physical conditions prohibiting a typical sexual relationship). A sexless marriage is therefore very bad for the relationship and will cause him to feel unhappy with his wife. Having sex (however, the couple does it with or without medical or physical restrictions) will, therefore, contribute to happy feelings for his wife.
Have you ever watched a movie where a woman beats up a guy or a movie where the man’s woman (wife/girlfriend/partner) fights with him to beat the bad guys and the men in the room are like, “Yeah, Baby!” Why were they excited about a woman’s ability to fight? It’s not that the woman is beating up the man or using kung fu or something to fight with her man that they find sexy or arousing. The strength of the woman in conjunction with her femininity arouses the men. A man does not want a wife that is a pushover even though some men will surely take advantage of that. Therefore, challenge your husband respectfully. Don’t blindly go along with everything he says. Don’t allow yourself to be his doormat. He may actually resent you for that. Yes. Trust him and rely on his judgment, but at the same time challenge him if you don’t agree. Be strong and not a pushover. Most men are happy with a wife that is strong and will stand up for herself and for her man.
Don’t Nag Your Husband
One of the things that feed unhappiness to a man is when his wife is always nagging him. When a wife constantly nags her husband then he will tend to withdraw from her. Nagging will have a negative effect on how happy a husband is with his wife.
Contribute To A Stress-Free Happy Home
A man will not think happy thoughts of his wife if he must deal with her mess in the home. I am not one that believes that housecleaning is strictly the wife’s job, but rather both should contribute to a neat and clean house. If he has to deal with her messy ways, then he will feel that much less happy with her. Wives. Do your part to make the house a home and a stress-free environment at home for your husband.
Cook For/With Him
The wife is stereotypically the cook of the house. However, that isn’t necessarily the case in all homes. There are many men, such as myself, who were taught by their mothers to cook and saw their father cooking regularly while growing up even though my mother was the primary cook. If you cook, then cook your husband’s favorite meal sometimes. Surprise him. If you are not a cook and he is, then get involved with him while he is cooking. Not only would you learn something, but you would show him that you want to be with him. So, cook for him or cook with him. Either way, he’ll be that much happier with you for it.
Take Care Of Yourself
Men are visually oriented creatures for the most part. Therefore, a wife should be visually appealing to her husband. This doesn’t mean that she should look like a model or movie star. Just look good for your man. It’s that simple. Take care of yourself through regular exercising, eating right, etc. Improve yourself by learning new things, taking courses, starting a hobby, or whatever. Take care of yourself. Don’t forget you as you attempt to create an environment where your husband is happy with you and happier in his life.
Show Your Love For Him
One of the biggest mistakes women make in relating to men is thinking that telling their man that she loves him is actually letting him know that she loves him. A wife can tell her husband that she loves him until her lips fall off. However, if she doesn’t have sex with him then as far as he is concerned, she does not love him. So, telling your husband you love him is almost meaningless unless he already sees it in what you do from day to day. Therefore, you must show or demonstrate to your husband that you love him. An important part of doing that is knowing how he receives love. Perhaps wanting to join him in his exercise routine tells him that you love him and want to be with him. Of course, having sex with him and initiating sex with him regularly will surely send him the “I love you” message. Show your husband that you love him by first learning his love language and then “speaking” it often (in words and deeds).
Prioritize The Marriage Relationship
A man will be much happier with his wife if he sees that he and their relationship are a priority. She has made the demonstrated commitment that her relationship with her husband is at a higher level than the kids, her job, the church, her parents, etc. This does many things for the man and sends many messages to him. It makes him feel important. It shows him that she loves him. It shows him that he has a significant meaning in her life. Knowing that their marriage relationship is a priority will make him much happier with his wife and contribute to his overall happiness.
Talk and Listen To Your Husband
Spend quality alone time with your husband and talk to him and listen to him. Don’t talk to him during these quality times about the children, the job, your parents, etc. Talk to him about the two of you, his dreams, plans, what makes him happy, etc. Give him the opportunity to express himself. Listen to him and empathize with his feelings, goals, etc. This lets him know that you care about him as an individual and as a husband. It will help him be happier with you and overall.
Let Him Be The Head and Be By His Side
Allow your husband to lead the way for the household but be by his side. This doesn’t mean that you simply go along with whatever he wants to do, but rather that you allow him to express that and initiate that. You allow him the opportunity to lead. If something bothers you about his plans or you are otherwise in disagreement, then be a strong wife and tell him respectfully. If he really loves you then he will listen, respect your insight and opinion, and do accordingly. However, support him even if after your input, he decides to continue on the path that he started on. The worse thing a wife can do here is put herself in a position where she is leading the husband and expects him to do whatever she wants to do. Usurping leadership from your husband is one of the fastest ways to make him unhappy with you and contribute to the stress and unhappiness that he may already have in his life. Be with him and let him lead the way.
Honor Your Husband
A husband will feel a great deal of happiness towards his wife if she honors him. There are many ways to honor your husband. You could speak favorably of him when around friends and family. You could tell him how much you trust him and appreciates what he does for you and the family (assuming your actions support those accolades). You could spontaneously hug him affectionately and spontaneously while around friends and family or even in public. He will feel so good knowing that his wife thinks highly of him.
Actively Pray For Him
Of course, you should always pray for your husband. However, merely praying for him won’t make him feel happier about you because he doesn’t see that. He may assume that you pray for him and you may even tell him you do. However, those prayers have little meaning to him with respect to being happy with you compared to him experiencing your prayers for himself. When he is sick, don’t just send him to the doctor or give him medicine, but instead lay hands on him and speak words of healing, health, and vitality to him often. Hold him and thank God for him and pray for whatever he needs. Lay hands on him and pray for relaxation or whatever he may need for issues he is having (that you discussed in your talking to him). When you touch him (hold hands, put your hand on his shoulder, hug him, etc.) and pray, he gets the message that he is important to you and to the family. He knows he is loved and he will be happier with you.
I hope these tips will help you to experience a happy marriage with your husband as you help him to feel happy overall and to be happy with you, his wife. Of course, this list is not all-inclusive. There are probably many other things you can do to cause your husband to be happy with you. Many of these things are discovered by talking to your husband and observing how he responds to the things that you do from day to day.