What I would like to do in this blog post is to present, from a man’s/husband’s perspective, some things that wives can do to keep their husbands happy and connected. Now, a husband should not depend on his wife solely for his happiness because we are ultimately responsible for our own happiness. However, there are many things that wives can do for their husbands to keep him happy with her and the marriage and to keep him connected to her.
If the husband is not connected to his wife, then the two of them may only have a functional relationship instead of an intimate relationship. They will be roommates instead of soulmates. They will be employees, so to speak, in Household, Inc. So, what can a woman do to keep her husband connected to her emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually and thus strengthen their marriage relationship?
So what can wives do to keep their husbands happy and connected? Let’s get started.
Know Your Husband
Get to know your husband. Your husband is an individual and he may not fit exactly into the stereotypes and generalizations about men. Overall, men tend to have similar thinking processes, but our specific likes, dislikes, needs, love language, etc., vary. Therefore, it is expedient that you get to know your husband as an individual.
Discover his love language. How does he give and perceive love? You may be expressing your love to your husband, but he may not see that love because he is tuned to a different frequency, so to speak. For example, a man may perceive love from his wife when she seems to enjoy talking to him or if she expresses a desire to be intimate with him. It is very important that you discover your husband’s love language.
Use what you have discovered about your husband to strengthen the relationship. For example, if you discover that he likes to spend time with you in low lighting with sensual music playing while you talk, cuddle, and make love, then make those opportunities happen. If he likes boxing, then watch it and talk to him about it sometimes. After all, men do that for women. Men will attend an opera or some other “girly” thing for the sake of his wife. He will get her flowers because he knows she likes a certain type of flower. What I’m suggesting here is that the wife does the same things for her husband. Get to know him and use what you know for the sake of the relationship.
Bond With Your Husband
We talk about bonding with our children or even our pets. However, I have never come across an article that expressed the importance of bonding with your spouse, and in this case, your husband. Now, of course, if you have fun with your husband, have sex with him regularly, initiate sex regularly, pray together, read scripture together, etc., then you are essentially bonding with him.
How you bond with your husband is determined by your relationship with him, his personality, and what he considers to be important. In any case, the important thing is to purposely and regularly seek to bond with your husband, maintain that bond, and develop that bond. Great things can happen when the husband and wife are together. I call this act of bonding, togetherness. When a husband and wife are together, then they can accomplish great things in the relationship and their marriage will stand against all kinds of pressures and trials. Be together with your husband through the act of bonding. If you do the things listed next, then you will surely be well on your way to bonding with your husband.
Be Your Husband’s Best Friend
Do not assume that because you two are married to each other that you are automatically friends. Friendships are made, not declared (on the wedding day). A friendship germinates and then grows as time goes by. Friends are compatible, have things in common, enjoy each other’s company, are loyal to each other, defends each other, supports each other, and are there for each other.
Being your husband’s friend means that you will have to spend time with him and develop an intimate relationship. Just think of your friends and how that friendship evolved. Ideally, you should have been friends before you were married. However, a married couple can easily drift apart and fall out of friendship or out of love as time goes by. So make an effort to be your husband’s friend and allow him to be your friend (by not pushing him away).
Make Sexual Intimacy a Priority In Your Marriage
It is a well know misconception that wives can make their husband’s happy and fulfilled by having frequent sex with him. I believe men and women love sex. However, the way we view sex and what we attach to the sexual act is different. Men view initiated sex from their wives as a sign that she loves him and wants (desires) him. This makes him feel good about himself and his wife. A man may reject sexual advances from his wife if he feels as though she is doing it merely to accommodate him or to manipulate him. Bad things can happen in the relationship if the husband feels that his wife is only having sex with him to accommodate him or perhaps even to manipulate him and not as an expression of love and togetherness.
If a wife initiates or accepts sexual advances from her husband most of the time, then he will feel close to his wife. Sex is how a husband tends to connect intimately and even emotionally with his wife. He wants to please her as well as connect with her in a deep way. Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to make it seem like men only want sex to show and receive love. Sometimes men (and women) want sex simply because we want sex. The libido kicks in and we have a strong sexual urge. We naturally approach our wives to fulfill this urge (and wives go to their husbands). If the wife consistently rejects the husband during these times, then that may cause him to look elsewhere for that sexual fulfillment, and this is when trouble escalates in the marriage.
Sex is, therefore, very important to a man with regards to his relationship with his wife. He receives love from his wife when she wants to have sex with him and especially when she initiates sex. He feels that his wife desires him when she is sensual with him. A wife would do her husband’s heart very well if she periodically invests in lingerie or a sensual outfit (for his eyes only) and wears it for him. In his mind, he is thinking that his wife was thinking about him, wants him, wants to please him, wants to meet his sexual needs, and so many other things that we men attach to sex with our wives. Make sex a priority.
Have deep conversations With Your Husband
Men want to talk with their wives, but not just any ole talk just to pass the time. We want to have deep conversations with our wives. We want our wives to allow us the opportunity to express ourselves and to share what we know. We want an intellectual connection with our wives just as stereotypically women want to have an emotional connection with their husbands. Do not underestimate the power of having deep conversations with your husband.
These conversations should induce excitement and passion for a particular topic. It should be engaging so that both husband and wife are deeply involved in discussing the subject of discussion. Talking with your husband about something is not a debate, but rather relaying both points of views about something even if you are in agreement.
Some of the most exciting and engaging conversations a husband can have with his wife is their plans for the future and the goals he would like to accomplish with his wife by his side (this is why togetherness is so important in a marriage). Becoming passionate about the future is something that is priceless in a marriage and will help to bind the couple even closer together.
Don’t wait for a conversation to spontaneously happen, though sometimes they will. Purposely engage with your husband at opportune times. For example, if you are watching television and your husband comes and sits next to you, then turn off the television. Let him know that you would rather spend some quality time with him than watch a sitcom. We, husbands, appreciate that because it says to the man that his wife values the marriage relationship and values her husband. So, make the time to spend quality time with your husband and engage him when he brings something up or you may just initiate a discussion on a topic that he is passionate about.
Have Fun With Your Husband
Having fun with our wives is something that men enjoy. This highlights the friendship-factor of the relationship and helps to bring balance into the relationship. We will always have responsibilities and a need to work. However, having a fun time together makes all the work and meeting responsibilities worth it. After all, life together should be more than paying bills and getting things done. Have some fun and enjoy your life as husband and wife. That will also help to bind the two of you together even more tightly.
How you play is dependent on the personalities involved. I recall watching a YouTube channel where a couple was always pranking each other. It was hilarious and they seemed to love it, though not always at the moment of the prank. So, gauge how your husband perceives fun activities and be sure to incorporate them into the relationship.
Pursue Your Husband
Men are stereotypically thought of as loving the chase and our society (in America) seems to promote this paradigm. It is the husband who is expected to bring chocolate, jewelry, or some womanly gift to his wife for Valentine’s day (which is why I hate that holiday—it promotes separation). What would a wife give to her husband in the same way men are expected to give something to their wives. Every man knows and is taught that he should surprise his wife with a gift of flowers, secret notes, sensual texts, etc., but what about the husband. Husbands want to be pursued as well.
Initiate sex with your husband. Initiate deep conversations with your husband. Become interested in the things he is interested in and engage him in those things. If he likes sports, then try to get involved at least a little. After all, you’ve probably seen many times on sitcoms where the husband would do something like go to an opera with his wife just to please her. Do the same type of thing for your husband.
Initiate Sex With Your Husband
Men are thought of as sexual beings. It is said that men need sex from their wives as much as he needs air to breathe. I don’t know if I need sex as much as air, but you get the point. Sex is important to a man. However, sex takes on a whole new meaning for a married man. Sex is the carrier signal for a bunch of things he receives from his wife. Through sex, a man receives love and affection from his wife. Through sex, a husband feels desired and wanted by his wife. Through sex, husbands express their love, affection, pleasure, and desire to please his wife.
What many women may not know is that when a man’s wife initiates sex with her husband and pursues him for sex, then she has catapulted the relationship to dimensions that she may not have thought possible with a seemingly simple activity. She sends her husband a plethora of good messages about her feelings towards him through sex and her initiating sex.
How should you initiate sex with your husband? Well, that is dependent on the boundaries of the relationship. A wife may, for example, come to her husband while he is sitting on the chair and simply straddle him and start kissing and sucking on him (or whatever he likes). Now if sports is very important to him, then the wife wouldn’t want to do that during a championship game or the like. However, just doing something goes a long way. So, find and invent ways to initiate sex with your husband. Think about the many ways your husband has tried to initiate sex with you. Hopefully, you weren’t rejecting him. Get ideas from what he does and likes.
Rock Your Husband’s World
To a husband, sex is an expression of love that he gives and receives from his wife. I said previously that a whole new dimension of a husband interaction with his wife would be opened if she initiated sex with him. This dimension would reach even higher levels if the wife has sex in a way that his mind is scrambled even during work the next day. He’ll be thinking about his wife all day long and wondering, “What next?”
Rock your husband’s world. Don’t let sex be the same ole thing all the time. I do you and you do me and we roll over, cuddle and then go to sleep. Don’t wait until bedtime to have sex either. Make it exciting, especially if there are no children (or you’re trying to have kids) or if the kids are away for a while. Offer to take him to a hotel for a night for the purpose of sex and more sex. You won’t be able to wipe the smile off his face and you definitely won’t have to worry about him doing housework and helping with the dishes. Your wish will be his command. He would mop the roof with a toothbrush if he knows his wife will do things like this.
Discover different positions to have sex and in different rooms. Some even confess that they have quickies in other places (the car, a friend’s or family member’s house, etc.). Let him know that he is yours and you are his, i.e., you are one. Make him dream about you instead of some pornographic woman. Stamp in your husband’s mind that sex = wife so that he won’t have to fantasize about anyone else. Rock his world and he’ll be with you always that much more.
Now, rocking your husband’s world applies to more than the area of sex. You could rock your husband’s world by participating in some of the things he enjoys and doing it well. For example, if your husband likes to work on cars, then a wife could rock her husband’s world if she started talking a mechanics language and demonstrating that she knows stuff too. She would even do better by working with him on the car. This could be exercising or anything, and especially if it something that is considered stereotypically a man’s world. Strip all boundaries and fascinate him. Why should your husband have fantasies of other women, other situations, etc., when his fantasies are real with his wife?
Be A Strong Wife For Your Husband
Men do not appreciate weak women and we don’t want to be joined to a weak wife. A weak wife is dead weight or the ball and chain that many use to describe marriage. Don’t take your husband’s crap. Don’t let him walk over you emotionally and especially physically (though a man should never ever hit his wife or in any way physically abuse her). Stand up to him. I ‘m sure you’ve seen a movie where a woman does something incredible like fight off a group of men or slays a dragon or something, and a guy looks at her and says something to the effect, “I’m in love.” We love a strong woman, so be that woman.
Be assertive but not oppressive or a nag (nagging is very bad for a man). Don’t be a floor mat for your husband. Some chauvinistic men may like a wife that he can control, cook his meals, and cleans his clothes, which may be the only reason he married her. However, he will have little respect (and love) for that wife.
Another way that a wife can be strong for her husband is to stand up for him and defend him when he is or is not around. Don’t let anyone dishonor your husband because it may taint his reputation. Promote the truth about your husband and don’t allow people to talk about him behind his back. You don’t have to become belligerent but stand up for him and defend him.
Pray For and Minister To Your Husband
It seems reasonable to expect a wife to always pray for her husband. However, prayer is something that most people think of as occurring in their secret closet, so to speak. Rarely, will we actively pray and minister to our spouses (or others) being Christian. Anyone can say, “I’ll pray for you,” but prayer takes on a whole new meaning when you stop on the spot, take the person’s hand, and pray for him/her right then out loud. The same is true for ministering to your husband.
Men, like any other human being, get discouraged, hurt, tired, frustrated, etc. To go home to a wife that is going to energize him by using the word of God to minister to him is something that any Christian husband would cherish. Lay hands on him like the Bible reveals to us in Mark 16:18. This effectively tells your husband that you care about him and want the best for him. A wife who actively prays for her husband and ministers to him is showing love and care. We perceive that we mean something to our wives when they take the time to pray for us on the spot or to lay hands on us and minister healing when we are sick. I cannot express how important this simple gesture is to a Christian husband.
Of course, this means that the wife has to be a student of the Word of God, so to speak. The wife should pursue a relationship with God through Jesus Christ and become very familiar with the revelation that God has given us through the Bible. She can take what she learns by doing that and minister to her husband appropriately instead of religiously.
Practice the X-Factor For Your Husband
The x-factor represents those things that your husband deems important or critical. Every person is different, so I have to leave room here for those things that are important, but not necessarily with the masses or the typical husband. For me, the concept of togetherness is critical, but togetherness may be called something else by another husband or it may be lumped up into something else. You’ll discover that critical thing that your husband deems very important and that without it, the relationship isn’t as solid as it could be.
You never know what is important to someone unless you get to know them. Your husband may not be able to articulate what is critical to him unless he has thought about it. Some examples of some things that your husband may deem critical are team parenting, keeping a neat house, being a good cook, serious about Bible study, or being philosophical. It is important to provide these things or to participate in these things with your husband because he may feel that there is a hole in the relationship and may seek that thing or those things from someone else if they are not present in your marriage.