I’d like to share some pointers for wives to tell their husband that she loves him from a husband’s perspective.

Get on the same page about love. Find out what he thinks love is. You may think love is one thing and he another.  Therefore, you should be sure that when you tell him that you love him that he at least knows what you are talking about.  Men tend to think there is an angle to things so asking him directly may not be effective unless there was a great segue into it or the context of the conversation made it appropriate to ask (e.g., while watching a movie, you may ask, “Do you think he loves her?”).  The bottom line is to know what he thinks love is regarding a relationship.

Learn his love language.  One of the biggest mistakes women make is to think that their husband receives and gives loves the way they do.  You may tell your husband constantly that you love him, but if he doesn’t see that demonstrated in your actions regularly, then your words have no meaning to him.

Gauge his responses to things that you do.  Is he drawing closer to you or does he seem to be drifting away?  During that time, what were the things you typically did to/with him from day to day? Some possible love languages taken from an article here.

1. Needing to hear that he is loved (I think this would be rare for a guy)
2. Spending quality time with him (This is very important for a guy)
3. Receiving gifts
4. Doing things for him

Learning his love language will not only enable you to effectively express your feelings for your husband, but it will also enable you to more effectively communicate with him.

Touch his emotions. It is said that women are emotional, and men are not.  However, men are probably just as emotional.  Women seem to be more in tuned with their emotions whereas men sometimes don’t know what to do about how he feels especially when considering the “man code.”  For example, a man will have no problem showing his emotions when his favorite team wins the championship.  He may have a problem relating to his emotions if his feelings are hurt.

It’s like a scene in the movie, Soldier, with Kurt Russel, where a settlement of people had exiled him because he was too dangerous for them (Get the movie here).  He accepted that and went out on his own.  He found himself sitting alone thinking about what happened and then a tear rolled down his face.  He was stunned by this water coming from his eye and wiped it off and looked at it with a really confused look. He didn’t seem to know what the tear was or understand what he was feeling.  A woman would probably have simply started to cry in an expression of the hurt from being exiled from the community.

The point here is that making your husband feel good emotionally will go a long way for him seeing that you care and that you love him.

Get into His World.  Get involved with his life.  Countless couples live separate lives in the same house.  They share very little together and wonder why their relationship wanes.  If he exercises regularly then exercise with him sometimes.  Gauge his responses because you may be interfering if you don’t enter this part of his world properly.  Take it slow.  If he reads and study the Bible frequently then perhaps start discussing the Bible with him.

This doesn’t mean that you should blindly start doing things that he does because, frankly, you may have no interest whatsoever in some of the things he does.  If you don’t like football, then don’t pretend to like it and start watching the games with him unless you honestly want to give it a try.  He’ll appreciate that.  Be real with him.

Let him be your hero. This alone will make a man stay with you more than most other things.  We men want to rescue the damsel in distress so to speak.  We want to be the hero.  Give the husband the opportunity to be the wife’s hero will go a long way for the relationship.

A major way of letting your man be your hero is to not criticize him about things, but rather come to him when you need help and compliment him when he really does come to your rescue…even for the little things.  Remember that I said that men have emotions too.  Criticizing him about things may make him feel bad, and like any other human, we tend to avoid those things that make us feel bad, which in this case would be the wife.

Want him and show that you want him.  Want your husband.  If you don’t want him because of the state of the relationship, then act like you do for now.  After all, someone must take the initiative to make things great.  Why not you? First you need to want him. Show that you want him by being sensual and seductive.  Men love that!  If he comes home and you are waiting for him at the door or he gets to the bedroom and he sees you in something sensual and you greet him with passion, then he knows he was wanted.  It’s a good feeling to be wanted.

Have sex with him regularly.  If you have sex with your husband often (based on your relationship) then he will get the idea that you have love for him.  That’s just the way it is for men.  If you refuse sex then in his mind, you do not love him.  Period.  Even if there are medical conditions that prevent you from having intercourse, still have sex in any way that is possible and comfortable for the both of you (e.g., using sex toys).

Being willing and making it a priority to have intimate encounters with your husband goes a long way with him experiencing the love you have for him.  He will get the message.

Make Your Relationship a Priority.  One of the worse things that can happen in a relationship is for the husband to think that he was married so that the wife could be a mother.  He will feel used, unwanted, and betrayed.  If the wife constantly prioritizes the needs or perceived needs of the children over the needs of her husband, then she is asking for trouble.  If she makes time to go out with her girlfriends but neglects to spend quality time with her husband, then she is showing she doesn’t love him.

On the other hand, if she comes up with plans to leave the kids at grandma’s or scopes out hotels they can go to for a long weekend, then he’ll get the picture that she really wants to be with him.  He’ll conclude that she must love him. If she then tells him that she loves him and wants to spend some time alone with him, then he’ll surely receive that.

Stop Trying to be His Mom.  Yes.  In most cases, he knows his mother loves him.  A man will fight Godzilla for his mother.  However, you are not his mother so, don’t try to be her.  You cannot show him love by being his mother.  Show him love taking into consideration his love language.  He will not appreciate you trying to be his mother and he may resent you for it.

Take Care of Yourself and Flaunt.  If your husband thinks that you want to look good for him, then he has a treasure he wants to keep to himself.  Keep your body in good shape.  Don’t wear ugly clothing.  Wear things that accentuate your physical attributes and show it off to him.  He’ll love it.  He’ll surely know you have feelings for him.

If you let yourself go and wear old raggedy clothing, then your husband will start to think that he was tricked and trapped.  He will start to think that you married him for some ulterior motive and not for being with him.  That will be a disaster for the relationship.  However, taking care of yourself after the wedding day tells him that you care about yourself and that you still want to look good for him. Remember that men are visual creatures so give him something good to look at. So, invest in some lingerie or form-fitting clothing just for his eyes only.  He’ll see love written all over it.

Tell Him You Love Him.  I put this one last on purpose.  That is because words on along mean very little.  If there is no evidence confirming your statement of love, then he will shrug it off.  So, telling him you love him should already have evidence of it.  He should be able to think, “Yes.  I suppose she does love be because she does this and that for me and to me.”

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