I read an article online recently about how a wife can stay connected to her husband. It was okay, but I didn’t think it was accurate. For one thing, a woman wrote it, which does not disqualify her from writing the article. However, I thought the article missed the mark because the suggestions were from a woman’s perspective.
I noticed consistent flaws in most articles about a wife’s connection to her husband. Either the husband should do something to restore the emotional connection with his wife, or his wife should work to regain her connection with him (from a woman’s perspective). There was hardly any mention of what the wife should do to restore the connection with her husband. Many articles presented the lack of connection as solely the husband’s fault. Of course, that is not true.
Men and women perceive an emotional connection differently. What a husband needs to feel emotionally connected to his wife differs from what she needs to feel emotionally connected to him. Therefore, restoring the emotional connection in a marriage requires effort and understanding from both husband and wife.
This article was written from a man’s perspective of emotional connection to his wife. Men need certain things from their wives to feel emotionally connected. I will present those things wives can do to make their husbands feel emotionally connected to them.
Two assumptions were made while writing this article. First, I share the perspective of a typical married man. Secondly, I assume that the husband is worthy of being connected to. A husband should not expect his wife to want to be connected to him if he is a source of displeasure or pain.
There is one point that I would like to make before we get started. You may feel that you are not connected to your spouse. In that case, consider that doing some of the things presented in this article may not produce the desired results. Your spouse may not be accustomed to you doing something that connected couples would do. He might become suspicious as, to him, you would be acting out of character.
Therefore, give it time and go slowly. Jumping into something may seem counterfeit to your spouse. They may need time to perceive that you are genuinely trying to connect.
Prioritize the Marriage
It is easy to allow other things to take a higher priority than the marriage relationship. Bills must be paid, the children must be cared for, the house needs to be maintained, and one or both may have a job to go to or a business to run.
However, none of those things should have a higher priority than the marriage relationship. You cannot be connected if the marriage is not cared for. Therefore, make your marriage a priority, so an environment conducive to the two being one, i.e., a connection is established.
Know His Love Language
Your husband wants to be connected to you. However, for him to feel connected to you, you must know how he perceives it. Knowing his love language will help with that because it will help you to speak his language of love, which leads to being connected.
We use five primary love languages to give and receive love. They are as follows:
- Word of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Physical touch.
You can connect to your husband by loving him on his terms. How does he feel loved? What can you do so that he feels connected to you? Maybe an occasional gift will make him feel connected to you if that is his love language. Perhaps spending quality time with him will make him feel connected.
The point is to learn what he looks for to feel connected and speak that language to him. If he feels connected by physical touch and you persist in giving him gifts, he may not feel as connected to you as you might think. Therefore, learn his love language and more to help him feel connected to you.
Now, that assumes you want to be connected to your husband, and he wants to be connected to you. Ideally, both husband and wife should know each other’s love language to connect effectively.
I can’t stress enough the importance of wives respecting their husbands. Men want to be respected by their wives. Respect means to admire him for his abilities, qualities, or achievements. It is to regard his feelings, wishes, and rights.
Listen to him intently when he talks. Always realize that his criticism may be his way of showing concern for your safety and well-being. It would be best if you never sneered at him when he raises an issue. Instead, speak to him respectfully and non-confrontationally to resolve the issue.
Talk With Him
It is hard for a man to feel connected to his wife when she seems to care more about social media, television, newspapers, magazines, and the children than him. If you would rather scroll through social media instead of having an intimate conversation with your husband, don’t be surprised if he starts pulling away from you.
Men pull away from their wives when they conclude that they are not connected.
Now, I said to talk with your husband, not to him. Let him participate in the conversation. Don’t go on and on about your job, the kids, something that happened at church, or whatever, and not let him join in the conversation. Husbands don’t like nagging wives. Constantly talking without leaving room for her husband to talk is a form of nagging.
One of the most unpleasant feelings a man can have is feeling unappreciated. He wants his life to have meaning and make a difference in the lives of those around him, especially his family. Significant harm is done when his wife takes him for granted by showing no appreciation.
Tell him you are grateful for something he did for you, the kids, or the home. Thank him for taking care of things or helping with a specific problem.
Now, showing appreciation is more than merely telling him you appreciate him. Use all means available to express your gratitude for him and what he does.
Listen to Him
Give your husband your undivided attention when he talks to you. Make him feel like you care about whatever he talks to you about. How can he feel connected to his wife if she doesn’t listen to him as he shares his thoughts, feelings, and concerns? Be mindful that he may not come right out and tell you want’s on his mind. He may test the waters first to see if you are interested in lending an ear and perhaps helping if necessary.
A man will not waste his time exposing his thoughts and feelings to his wife if he feels she doesn’t really care. He will clam up. Don’t expect him to be attentive if you come to him with something you want to talk to him about. He may have checked out by that time.
Listen to your husband when he talks to you if you want to connect with him. Sometimes husbands merely need someone to listen—preferably his wife. The danger of the wife not listening is that another woman may be willing to listen. He may find someone else who shows interest in what he has to say and may gravitate toward them.
Engage your husband to connect with him. Get involved in the things that he is interested in. Consider the things he talks about and spends his time doing. If he makes a statement out of the blue, ask him about it. He may be testing the waters to determine if he should expose his heart to his wife.
Get involved with your husband’s life to be connected to him. The two are supposed to be one anyway. That doesn’t mean he will want to do everything with his wife. There are, of course, going to be some things that she will be completely uninterested in. However, do what you can to engage, even if it is to ask about what he’s doing.
One of the best ways to connect with someone is to support them. A husband’s wife’s support goes a long way for a man to push forward even when he sometimes doesn’t feel like it. If he wants to return to school, do what you can to support him. Perhaps he needs a quiet place in the house to study or read. Help him get it.
Knowing you are with him will make him feel connected to his wife and benefit the marriage.
Have Fun With Him
It is said that having a good marriage takes a lot of work. However, it can be a lot of fun if the two are mindful of it. Purposely make an effort to have fun with your husband. Make him laugh. Do something goofy or whatever you know he thinks is funny.
Enjoying each other is a surefire way to be connected.
Spend Quality Time With Him
Even if his love language is not quality time, it would benefit the marriage and help him to feel connected to you if you spend time with him. How can you get to know someone and they get to know you if you don’t spend time with them? Before I was married, I wanted to have someone to journey through life with me, meaning being connected was a priority, and spending time together was a requirement.
So spend time with your husband. Turn off the television, put down the mobile device and spend time together. Get to know each other, plan the future, reveal your heart, etc. It’s great for a man to feel connected to his wife.
Minister To Him
Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. Sometimes your husband deals with problems that take a lot out of him. That is when he needs a friend, i.e., someone he can trust to support and help him. After all, the Bible says that the wife is her husband’s helper (Genesis 2:18).
Ministering to your husband means sharing God’s word with him when he is going through problems or encouraging him even when he’s not. Putting your hands on him and praying for him aloud will make him feel like you really care about him, and he will feel more connected to you.
You might spend time together reading, studying, or discussing the Bible. It is another way that you can bond with your husband. Connect with your husband by ministering to him and allowing him to minister to you.
Have Sex With Him
A wife having sex with her husband is critical to remain connected to him. Men emotionally connect to their wives through sex. Therefore, if sex is absent from the marriage, he will feel disconnected from his wife.
Lack of sex in a marriage could be a symptom of one or more issues, and the couple should work to resolve them. Furthermore, the husband may begin to be stressed and resent his wife if sex is absent or not a regular part of the relationship.
Lack of emotional connection to his wife may lead to infidelity because his emotional (and sexual) needs go unmet, and he becomes disconnected from her. Prolonged disconnection can cause the commitment to his wife to wane.
Therefore, a woman can connect with her husband by having regular sex with him and showing him that she is connected to him, love him, and desire him. Remember, men tend to emotionally connect with their wives through sex.
There is much that wives can do to help their husbands feel connected to them. She must know what he considers is an emotional connection, how he tries to connect, and how he wants you to bond with him.
Marriage must, of course, have a priority. Otherwise, it will degrade, and the door to infidelity and even separation or divorce. Emotional disconnection is horrible for a marriage to be fulfilling.
I listed several things a wife can do to help her husband feel connected to her. Communicating with your husband and building your relationship and emotional connection would be best. He wants to connect with you. Take that and run with it.
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