There are many ways that a wife can push her husband away. Likewise, there are many ways that a husband can push his wife away from him. Since I am a man (and husband), I will be discussing this from the perspective of a husband. However, keep in mind that the act of pushing your spouse away goes both ways.
Sometimes the wife may not realize that she is pushing her husband away, and then one day she realizes that he has mentally checked out of the relationship and she wonders why. Of course, a bad marriage is typically not the fault of one person, but ignorance can cause a large crevice in the relationship that becomes hard to leap or fill. This is why communications is so important in a marriage relationship.
You Don’t Talk To Him
Husbands enjoy good conversations with their wives, and this is very important to us. If the wife can’t find the time to talk to her husband or engage in conversation when he says something, then she starts a process of pushing him away, in addition to signifying that she doesn’t love him. She may not be interested in the particular topic, but she listens attentively anyway and engages in a conversation about his passions, goals for the family, pleasures, and stressors.
When the wife typically changes the topic or simply doesn’t engage in a conversation that her husband starts, then she is telling him that she doesn’t care about what he is interested in and is sending the message that she doesn’t love him, which ultimately pushes him away.
If you really do love your husband then engage in conversations about his passions and interests. If he is into fitness, then talk about fitness. We love it when our wives show interest in the things we enjoy and the things we are thinking about because it is another way that we can bond as a couple.
You don’t spend time with him
A wife indirectly pushes her husband away when she refuses to spend time with her husband. Most of us live busy lives with a multitude of responsibilities. However, if you do not make it a priority to spend time with your husband instead of watching TV, working on your business or the job, church, and more, then you are telling him that he doesn’t matter and that you don’t love him, which pushes him away over time.
It seems reasonable that a married couple should spend quality time with each other. Watching TV is not necessarily quality time unless you are doing more than watching TV together. If there is no effort and especially if his requests for togetherness are rejected, then your husband will begin to assume that you really do not love him and your marriage to him is for ulterior motives. This pushes him away from you.
You prioritize the children over him and his needs
You married your husband so that you could have legitimate children and/or to be a mother. That’s what your husband will rationalize if you prioritize the children over him and the relationship. After all, you married him not your children.
Many marriages are about paying the bills, home maintenance, and raising the kids. All the responsibilities are covered except for the maintenance and advancement of the marriage. The husband feels left out because his wife is so dedicated to the children (sometimes in a destructive way, e.g., appeasing them), that he feels as though he isn’t as important. He starts to pull away from his wife over time.
Of course, raising and taking care of the children is important, but so is your marriage and perhaps more so. A bad marriage will affect the development and perspective of the children on many things, especially the marriage relationship. Therefore, it is important to prioritize your marriage over all your responsibilities, including the children without neglecting them.
You reject his intimate advances
Rejecting your husband’s advances for intimacy is a death sentence to the marriage if it persists for a long period of time (depending on the man). Intimacy involves more than the act of sex. It includes emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical Intimacy, and of course, is very important in a marriage. Husbands want to be intimate with their wives, and if the wife rejects him, then ill-feelings towards himself and his wife will germinate. One day you may approach your husband for intimacy or even sex, but he will be long gone in his heart and mind. He has been pushed away.
Some men will stay in a marriage where intimacy is absent only because they are committed to the marriage or the children. However, others will get out of the marriage one way or another. No man wants to be married to a woman that won’t embrace intimacy with him. Intimacy in marriage is the only thing that husbands and wives can provide for each other.
You Refuse to Have Good Sex With Him
If a wife refuses to have sex (make love) with her husband regularly then she is showing him a billboard that says, “I do not love you.” Period. This pushes him away from her like nothing else. He feels rejected by his wife deep inside of him if she regularly refuses to have sex with him. Sex and love making is a kind of barometer of the marriage relationship and how a man perceives how his wife feels about him. Lack of sex in marriage may indicate an issue with the relationship that should be addressed and resolved as quickly as possible.
The danger here is if the husband’s mind begins to take him outside of his marriage for the pursuit of intimacy. He could find himself in the arms of another woman to receive love and affection from her instead of his wife. This of course, could lead to an affair in which he would be labeled as the “bad guy,” when in fact, his wife was the one who abandoned him and pushed him away. She could have easily protected him from a basic need by having sex with him instead of throwing him to the demons.
You don’t initiate sex (intimacy) with him
It is believed socially that men pursue women and that he loves that hunt. The truth of the matter is that men want to be pursued too. We want to know that we are desired by the woman we married. If a husband notices that his wife doesn’t pursue him, then he will begin to think that she doesn’t’ desire him. That is like a force that pushes him away.
Believe it or not, we would love for our wives to greet us in a lingerie (if kids aren’t around), snatch us at any moment and drag us to the bedroom and bang us until we beg for mercy…I mean more. It’s a bad thing if the husband finds that he is always pursuing his wife for sex or even begging her for sex, but she does not pursue him. He may begin to think that she is just accommodating him to keep him under control when they do have sex or intimate encounters.
You Keep Blowing Him Off (In a Bad Way)
A man may start to feel good if he thinks his wife is going to blow him. However, blowing him off has the opposite effect. If the wife refuses to listen to her husband and take him and his ideas for granted, then she is pushing him away from her (he will pull away).
Men naturally want to protect and provide for their wives. When he says things to his wife, he is many times trying to protect her because, from his perspective, he sees danger. If you, the wife, get offended by what he says and refuse to listen, then you are surely telling your husband not only that you do not respect him, but you don’t love him and to get away. You don’t think of him enough to assume that he means the best for you instead of thinking he is merely criticizing you.
Take what your husband says objectively and don’t’ assume the negative at first. Weigh his words and what he is really trying to do. You may find that he is only expressing his care for you by, in his mind, trying to protect you.
You disrespect him
Disrespecting your husband is probably as serious as refusing to have sex with him. Disrespecting him, especially in public, tells him with no uncertain terms, that you don’t love him. I’ve heard women talk about their husbands to others when their husbands weren’t around. I’ve heard women badmouth their husbands when in the company of others, even strangers. That is very bad and a horrible thing to do for the marriage.
The same way you want your husband to respect you, then you should respect your husband. Let him know that you value him. Give him the opportunity to “save the day” or to be your hero. We love that kind of crap. Disrespecting your husband pushes him away from you. If you continue to disrespect him, then don’t be surprised one day when he’s not there (mentally, emotionally, or physically).
You Nag Him About Small Stuff
A sure way that a wife can push her husband away is to constantly nag him about small stuff. If you, the wife, is always jumping on your husband’s case about something he did “wrong” (by your definition), then the more he is going to avoid being around you and probably avoid doing stuff. I’ve heard women complain that they want their husbands to help with the dishes, cleaning, or whatever. She could want him to help her build an engine. However, if you bite into your husband for every little thing, then he will gradually “exit stage left.”
Trying To Be His Mother
A wife is not her husband’s mother, so stop trying to be one. There is a very special bond between a man and his mother that no one can sever. For example, a mother has the right to nag her child, not a wife. Men know that a mother’s nagging is not really nagging at all, but in most cases just her way of being the mother and caring for her child. A wife doesn’t have that privilege or responsibility. A wife that persists in trying to be her husband’s mother will only cause him to pull away from her because he doesn’t want his wife to be his mother. He married you because he wanted a wife and if you’re not going to be that, then why should he hang around you?
If you try to be your husband’s mother, then you will drive him away faster than a Lamborghini on a straight road. You can care for him without being his mother. You can be persistent without nagging. Stop trying to take his mother’s place in his life because he will protect that even against his own wife.
You Do Not Join In His Spiritual Journey
A husband wants to be with his wife and that includes any spiritual journey he may embark on (from a Christian perspective). If he starts a spiritual journey to better himself, and you do not join him in any way, then you are telling him to go alone, and alone he will go. A good example of this is a husband who wants to study and live the Bible. He wants to learn to depend on God and not people, but his wife doesn’t join him in that pursuit. Instead, she keeps things in the natural (worldly) scope and does not pursue a life of faith. A husband’s relationship with God trumps everything, even his wife. You will find that one day he will be on a completely different road than you, so to speak, and you’ll have a hard time relating to him because you will be operating in different kingdoms.
If your husband wants to study the Bible more, then study with him sometimes or have discussions about the Bible. If he wants to pray more, then pray with him more. If he wants to live by faith, then learn to live by faith along with him. A spiritual connection is probably more important than a physical connection because what happens spiritual, affects us physically. So get involved with your husband’s spiritual journey.
Too Much Time At Church
Spending too much time at church at the expense of spending time with your husband is one way to not only push him away, but to negatively affect his perception of church, especially if he is not a churchgoer or Christian. This case applies very equally to the husband who spends too much time at church at his wife’s expense. One of the greatest misconceptions people have with regards to church and Christianity is that church dedication somehow equates to godliness or a higher standing with God. Jesus Christ did not die so that we would have church services, events, rituals, and programs. Jesus died so that we would be saved and therefore free. However, many wives (and husbands) allow religion through church involvement to rob them of a God-ordained happy and fulfilling marriage.
If a man’s wife is frequently going to church and greatly involved in church at the expense of spending time with him, then he in in effect being pushed away. Opportunities for intimacy on a Sunday, when they both don’t have to go to work and the housework was done on Saturday, will be lost because of church involvement. This could contribute to a wife losing her husband as well.
There are many ways that a wife can push her husband away. It is amazing how people see the marriage relationship in a one-sided perspective. They expect the husband to be pushed away so many ways and then when he actually goes away (emotionally or physically) then he becomes the bad guy. This is also the case if the wife persists in pushing the husband away until he finds acceptance and affinity with another woman.
Don’t push your husband away or cause him to pull away from you. I don’t believe that a wife should center her life on her husband, but the marriage should be a high priority in day-to-day life. Stop refusing to spend time with your husband for the sake of church, your job, your business, the kids, shopping, or whatever. Ensure that you are nurturing your marriage relationship because, like a lawn or garden, as soon as you stop caring for it, it will begin to decay.
Sex is very important to a man because through it he gauges his wife’s love and desire for him. Refusing sex is a sure way to push him away, possibly into the arms of another woman. A wife should never neglect to have sex with her husband and likewise a husband should not refuse sex with his wife. The two should always work on intimacy as well as the normal everyday responsibilities of the household.
If there are problems in the marriage, then work them out. Talk to your husband about the marriage and work things out. Don’t keep pushing him away and then expect him to be there when you want him. Show him that the marriage is important to you. Show him that he is important to you. Those go a long way for a man to stick around in a marriage emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Remember that this article is from the perspective of a husband, but the case could be swapped to reveal ways that husbands push their wives away. Spouses should work on coming together not pushing each other away.