The rate of men never getting married is steadily increasing and has been doing so since 1960 in the US. According to a PEW Research study, about 23% of men stay unmarried, compared to 17% of women. This means that millions of men worldwide are refusing to get married. According to US News, only 6.5 people out of 1000 got married in 2018.
The fact, that so many men are refusing to get married is alarming. However, it is a symptom of our society today. Men don’t want to get married for several reasons, which I will address in this article. In addition, I will briefly discuss the plight of those who did marry and resent that decision.
Before I start, let me say that this article is written from a man’s perspective. There are several reasons why women never get married and how those that did marry resent it. It goes both ways. However, the reasons for men and women not getting married are very different.
The family is a critical component of society. It is where children learn values, gain emotional stability, and are guided by their parents to become responsible and productive adults. That, of course, assumes a strong family unit.
The family is under attack now, and that stable family structure has been broken. More children are raised in single-parent homes living with their mothers. Little boys are not adequately taught to be men because they do not have a father around. Mothers cannot teach their sons how to be men, and men cannot teach their daughters how to be women.
The family unit, where mother and father live together, is essential for developing children into adults. That family structure has been destroyed mostly by promiscuity, i.e., men and women having sex and conceiving children without being married. The situation is exacerbated by the promotion of abortion, which only promotes more promiscuity that chips away at the family structure.
The Bible reveals God’s design for the family as man, woman, and children. Society has strayed from God’s way to pursue its own ways, which leads to destruction.
Therefore, I don’t think that men simply don’t want to get married anymore. The marriage decline among men (and in general) is a symptom of something else. Foremost is straying away from God. The more we stray away from God, the more terrible things will become because evil will become more dominant.
Marriage is Too Risky For Men
Men are finding that marriage is too risky and costly. One study showed that 45% of marriages end in divorce, and women initiated 80% of those. However, the problem doesn’t end there. Men are more likely to suffer severe financial and possession loss (e.g., their house) and lose custody of their children when divorced.
Therefore, if a man’s marriage ends in divorce, he will likely lose a lot because the justice system favors women, even in other countries. In some countries (e.g., the UK), men may be required to pay child support to their girlfriend after she gives birth and leaves him. Some women entrap their boyfriends into having children because they can get financial benefits from the government and child support from the father.
Women’s Independence and Gender Equality
There was a time in America when women were not even allowed to vote. Women were expected to stay home, take care of the house, raise the kids, cook, and take care of their husbands. The women’s suffrage movement resulted in women’s right to vote, and rightfully so. However, women’s roles in the household and family have begun to shift, and now there is an immense sense of gender equality and women’s independence.
The feminist movement is one thing that changed women’s role in society. It was created to give women equal opportunity in the workplace and to do away with gender discrimination, and rightfully so. However, some aspects of feminism are detrimental to the family structure and marriage.
Some women are more about independence than equal opportunities. Some say they don’t need men. In my opinion, they may not need men to support themselves financially, but to say they don’t need men at all is ridiculous. We all need each other because God designed it that way.
Then again, as I stated previously, we are moving away from God, so you would expect ungodliness and evil thinking to increase. Evil thinking makes no sense because it is founded on an ungodly or unnatural premise.
It shouldn’t matter how much a woman makes from her career. That should not translate into her being superior to a man or that she doesn’t need one. That train of thought has a negative effect on relationships, marriages, and our society as a whole. Why would a man want to commit his life to someone that believes she doesn’t need him and strives to be independent?
The Reason Why, Though
Why do women think they need to be independent in the first place? Women fought for their independence because men were oppressing them, and in some ways still are. Men made it illegal for women to vote before the suffrage movement. Men discriminated against women in the job market. Men oppressed women in a family role that made them their servants instead of a competent human beings.
However, I think women’s independence has gone too far because of our ungodly tendencies. Evil will always take the opportunity to replicate and spread. Just as evil causes men to oppress women, it is causing women to oppress men passively. That war between men and women started when Adam and Eve sinned against God in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:16).
It goes back to people straying from God’s way to following their own. They are paving the road as they go, and that road leads to destruction.
Benefits of Marriage for Men
Men do not think marriage has many benefits to tie the knot with a woman. What expectations do men have when they get married that could be beneficial? Let me list some general expectations men have when they marry.
- Feel wanted/desired
- Companionship/partnership in life
- Housewife (meaning someone who will care for the home)
Unfortunately, those expectations go unmet in many men’s marriages. They complain about their wives rejecting them sexually, lack of respect, affection, and disloyalty (women are more likely to file for divorce). Many men do not get the happy marriage they expect and hope for.
Men become roommates with their wives instead of soulmates and lovers. They get companionship through dual income, working around the house, raising the kids, etc. However, their wives have little affection for them and do not have a sense of being wanted.
So, why get married in the first place? I am not suggesting that all men have unhappy marriages. Instead, enough men complain about their marriages that single men think twice about. So, the failures of many marriages are observed by single men and women, making marriage less desirable.
What Can Men Do?
This is not just a man’s problem. It is a societal problem. The more we move away from God and His kingdom, the more problems we will have. The more we go against nature and God’s design, the more issues we will have.
- The first thing men should do is to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. Pursue a personal and intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ.
- Realize that good women exist. I don’t think the feminist movements have deemed all women unfit for marriage. There are God-fearing women who will love you, desire you, have sex with you, be loyal, and trek through life with you.
- Think two, three, or four times before proposing. Ensure that you know the woman that you are considering for marriage. She will change after the wedding day (as you will too), but the more you know about her passions, goals, ways, etc., the better off you will be
- Observe her family before marriage. An apple indeed does not fall far from the tree. She will probably be more like her mother than her father. She will probably expect you to be like her father was to her mother, and she will respond like her mother.
- Commit to treating her right. Respect her, love her, protect her, etc. Don’t expect to go into a marriage and think she will take care of you and be the perfect wife if you don’t treat her right. Humans tend to reciprocate how people treat them.
- Consider a prenuptial agreement. Prenups not only protect the things you want to be protected, but they also introduce an incentive to work things out. Prenups are not just for men.
- Marry because you want to commit to the woman, not because you are in love with her. A big mistake we make is marrying someone merely because we fell in love with them. Love is not enough to sustain a marriage. Commitment can keep a marriage together to give it time to flourish, even when things get bad sometimes.
- Listen to others. Are people around you commenting about your love interest and potential wife? Listen to them, especially her family. If your love interest’s mother consistently comments about your love interest’s angry outbursts, take it seriously.
- Make an informed decision. Marrying someone should be an informed decision, not an emotional one. Consider what is at stake and decide accordingly.
- Pray for wisdom and direction. God said He would teach and show you the way to go (James 1:5-6, Ps. 32:8).
Men have a lot to lose in marriage. However, to be fair, so do women. Men are refusing to get married in increasing amounts. They consider marriage too risky and costly, with few benefits to outweigh them.
The feminist movement and our perpetual ungodliness have diminished the family’s influence. We have strayed away from God and are reaping the results of that. Even the justice system in the US and abroad favors women in divorce situations.
However, men should realize that marriage is a viable and God-ordained relationship. There are honorable women that would be wonderful and fulfilling wives. So many relationships are destroyed because of people who are not really committed to it but instead have ulterior motives.
Be diligent, men. Don’t let your little head do the thinking, and you will avoid many headaches regarding relationships with women. Be true to yourself and pursue your own happiness. Find a woman that will be worthy of sharing your life with and love her completely. Amen.
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