I’ve come across several articles that reveal how men feel when their wives are too tired for sex.  Believe me, his feelings range from disappointment to anger to frustration if she is too tired a lot.  Sex to a man is more than a physical act. It is critical for his emotional wellbeing in the relationship and for connecting to his wife.  Without sex, he simply cannot connect to his wife and his emotions go haywire over time resulting in feelings of resentment, separation, and even giving up on the marriage.

However, one thing that I learned a long time ago is that things are not always as they appear.  Another thing husbands should realize is that there is usually more than one side to an issue.  He may think that his wife is rejecting him, but something else, and perhaps simple, is going on.  Maybe, just maybe his wife is really too tired for sex.  After all, sex does take energy even for quickies.  Perhaps the husband should not merely think about his needs not being met, but rather consider his wife’s side of the equation so to speak.

I am reminded of the movie, “The Grinch That Stole Christmas.”  The Grinch had an epiphany about Christmas: “He puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. Maybe Christmas, he thought…doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps…means a little bit more!” Likewise, husbands may need to realize that our wives may really be too tired.  Women, in general, do not perceive sex the way men do.  Being tired is not an issue.  We are never too tired for sex (unless you are in a sexless marriage because you learn to do without and not need it in a sense).

That brings up a very interesting question that perhaps husbands hadn’t thought of before.  How can I reduce the load on my wife so that she is not too tired, not just for sex, but too tired overall?  What can I do to help my wife not to be so tired (and of course I could have more sex)?

Let me provide some tips from over 30 years of marriage on what a husband can do when his wife is too tired for sex consistently.  There will be times when your wife had a long day, for example, and is too tired for anything let alone sex.  That’s ok. But If she seems to always be too tired for sex, then husbands should take a closer look at the problem and take action to help.  Here are some tips to help you help your wife not to be too tired for sex or anything.

Discard the “Woman’s Job” Paradigm

The first thing that married men need to do is to do away with the idea that there are certain jobs for woman and certain jobs for men.  There is only one definitive job for men and women respectively.  Women receive sperm, conceive, and then give birth.  She has the equipment designed by God to do that.  The men provide sperm. Hmm.  It is interesting that the woman already has a lot to do just to keep the human race going.  Anyway, for example, don’t think of washing the dishes as the woman’s job but rather, as a job that simply needs to get done.  Get in the kitchen and wash the dishes yourself sometimes.  If you have children of appropriate ages, then get them involved in washing the dishes, for example.


Help Her

Help your wife guys.  Don’t sit back watching the game or your favorite TV show when your wife is busting suds or whatever. Help her with the cleaning, cooking, washing, and more.  Help her with the baby and children. You will then earn the right to help her relax…with you.  The bottom line here is to find ways to lighten the load on your wife and to ultimately share responsibilities so that you both can have quality time for each other.  If your wife is too tired for sex but otherwise wants it, then help her to be untired.  Simple, right?  Just do it.

Cross Train

Most people subscribe to the notion that the woman of the house will cook, clean, wash clothes, decorate, etc.  You know what I mean.  However, you and your household would be better if you learned how to do some of those “womanly tasks.”  There are many men who never learned how to wash dishes or clean the house.  Many men grew up watching their mother or sister doing womanly jobs.  Not so in my family growing up.  My mother and father cooked. My mother and father cleaned.

Husbands. Start by doing things with your wife.  Work with her if she is the one who washes the dishes. If you have a dishwasher, then learn how to properly load it with dirty dishes.  Learn how to wash the things that can’t go into the dishwasher if you have one.  Learn how to do the chores that your wife does so that you can help her do them or take over a responsibility yourself. 

Cross training is important because it is difficult to help your wife do something if you don’t know how to do it.  Helping her in ignorance may make things worse as you get in the way causing her to have to redo your work.  So, learn how to do those things she does so that you can effectively work together and then be together.

Order Out Sometimes

Women work hard, but so do men.  Therefore, we both may not want to cook anything or clean.  Therefore, order out.  If there is a restaurant in your area that delivers, then have your dinner delivered.  Don’t do this too often because it can get very expensive and restaurant food tends to be loaded with more calories than you should have.  If your wife asks you what you want for dinner, then don’t tell her that you want a four-course meal.  Either get in the kitchen and cook something, order out or tell her you’ll eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or something, just to keep her load lighter.

Talk About It

Sex is very important in a marriage so, any issues with sex should be discussed between husband and wife.  I make it a habit to discuss issues with my wife at least once or twice a year.  I call it the “State of the Union” meeting.  Get it?  Union?  Anyway, sometimes it is very difficult because the issues may be serious.  However, I believe it is very beneficial to a relationship if you not be afraid of conflict as long as you are respectful and truthful.  The conflict that is dealt with results in resolution, which strengthens the marriage bond. If there is no resolution to issues, then the marriage limps along and degrades as time goes on.

Find out why your wife seems to avoid sex so much.  Explain to her what it means to you (husband).  If she is having an issue then help her with it.  Being open about things is very good for the relationship and opens the door for safe conversations later.

 I should also note that you should not assume that the issue is totally with your wife.  Perhaps there is something about sex that bothers her that involves you, the husband.  Perhaps you never wash before sex and you are smelly.  Perhaps you are too rough.  Perhaps you just don’t do it for her and she simply is not motivated.  Those are hard things to hear, but conflict produces solutions.  At least you can work on a solution together and make sex a significant part of your married life, as it should be. Anyway, talk about the issue with your wife and be open, honest, and receptive.

Pamper Her

Find ways to pamper your wife, guys.  The purpose here is to help her to relax.  Of course, you have an ulterior motive of getting more sex, but at the same time, you genuinely want your wife to relax for a better life together.  How can you pamper your wife?  That depends on your wife and your relationship.  Some things may work, and some things may be ineffective.  Use what you know about your wife to take the most appropriate course of action.

You might treat her to a professional massage, or you might learn to do it yourself.  That is a great segue into sex if you do it yourself.  However, don’t give her a massage merely for sex because that defeats the long-term purpose.  Massage her to help her relax.  If it ends up as a sexual encounter, then great.  If not, you know that you have helped your wife relax and maybe there will be an opportunity for sex later or tomorrow.

Get a Maid Service

What if you and your wife had help cleaning the house?  That would be less work for your wife (and you) in addition to more time for each other.  Hiring a maid or home cleaning service is a great way to accomplish this.  Of course, it costs money, but how much is your time worth and how much do you value the opportunity to have quality time with your wife.  If you can afford to have a maid service, then investigate it.

I should throw a side note here.  If you have children that are of age and can responsibly clean, then give them chores to do.  This will lighten the load off you and your wife, in addition to teaching your children how to do their own house cleaning.  Don’t teach your children to do gender stereotype work, but instead have them do various chores according to their abilities.  Having children is a good way to get the house cleaned without the expense of a maid service since they are your maid service.

Hire a Personal Chef or Meal Delivery Service

You can give your wife some relief by obtaining a personal chef service to prepare some meals for her, if she does the cooking.  There are several services available online that you might investigate, e.g.,  This is something that you might do for special occasions or just to surprise your wife.

As a personal chef, there are also meal delivery services where your meals would be prepared and then delivered to your home.  These won’t be fast food necessarily, but the type of home cooking that your wife would prepare, but by someone else. An example of a meal delivery service is I have no affiliation with these services.

Be Empathetic and Accommodating

A woman that works a 9-to-5 job/business comes home and cooks, cleans, washes the clothes and dishes, and then is expected to expend depleted energy for sex, is a woman from another planet such as Krypton.  Put yourself in her shoes so to speak.  How would you feel after a long day of work and a long night of work only to have to meet the demands of your wife?  She is tired, so help her not to be tired.

Do what you can to accommodate her needs. Perhaps better equipment for her to use.  Perhaps services like those listed above.  Be sensitive to your wife and realize that the less she has to do, the more you can do together and strengthen your marriage relationship.  It’s not all about sex for men. We really want to spend time with our wives.  However, a lack of sex in the relationship will have adverse effects on it, so a healthy sex life is very beneficial for the marriage.  A wife who is not tired so much will be able to enjoy a healthy sex life with you and therefore meet your sexual needs.


What should a husband do if his wife is too tired for sex?  A husband should do what he can so that she is not so tired. Simple solution.  I’ve provided some things that a husband can do to accomplish that objective.  Help her with the chores.  Don’t practice the “woman’s” job way of thinking.  Provide her with less time to work and more time to relax, especially with you.  Be empathetic and act to lighten her load. A happy wife is a less tired wife.  Go for it.  Tell me how it went.


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