It takes only one to get things started, but It takes two to make a marriage right. This means that either the husband or wife can take the initiative to make a marriage work. However, the spouse must want a good marriage and be willing to respond to that initiative. For example, a husband may realize that he needs to work better at making his marriage work. He may begin reading articles, books, watching videos, and more just so that he could learn what to do to meet his wife’s needs and to make the marriage a happy one. None of that effort means anything if the wife does not respond. As a matter of fact, her nonresponse will only hurt the marriage because the husband will begin to have ill feelings towards her because she doesn’t seem to care about the marriage after all he tried to do to make it right. Ultimately the husband and wife must desire a happy marriage and be willing to work to make that happen regardless of who starts going in that direction.
I know that men and women are different and we both have different ways of expressing ourselves and interpreting the things around us and in our relationships. However, I submit to you that both husband and wife are human and therefore, should not be limited to some type of animal instinct. Men and women are different indeed. However, we have the capacity to go behind how we feel. We can communicate! If a wife feels undesired then she should communicate that to her husband or at least find out what he desires and try to fulfill it. Likewise, the husband can attempt to directly get what his wife needs and attempt to fulfill those needs. To say that the husband has to learn to read between the lines and in effect, read her mind, to me is silly. The husband and wife should be honest with each other’s taking advantage of human traits that animals do not have.
This brings up an important point regarding a marriage that has problems. Many times, we are so focused on getting even or proving our point or showing our spouse how wrong he or she is that we don’t consider what is happening now. We become so resentful and harbor so much unforgiveness in our heart for events in the past that we create an environment for a bad marriage and yet continue to blame our spouse for what has happened to the relationship. I’ve heard it said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Harboring grudges and resentment for your spouse will cause you to suffer as you gradually destroy the relationship by your own poison so to speak.
What is the solution? Forgive and work together. Respond to each other and support each other. Be together as a true intimately connected couple. Be honest and talk to each other and don’t expect your spouse to be able to read your mind. The Bible presents marriage as the two becoming one flesh. Therefore, the husband and wife should work to be one. However, this is only possible if both are willing to work at the marriage even if only one gets things going.
Do not take the efforts of your spouse to have a happy marriage for granted. Appreciate what he or she does and reciprocate. Don’t hold grudges or resentment towards your spouse because that is counterproductive to the journey to a happy marriage. Forgive and move forward. Deal with what is going on now and not what happened in the past. Resolve differences now and consider what your spouse is doing now. Allow what is happening now to move you forward. Then you will find it much easier to have a happy marriage.
It does take two to make a marriage right even if only one gets things started. Come together and make it work. A marriage can be a beautiful and fulfilling relationship if the husband and wife work to make it so. Like any other endeavor, we must work to make it work. Work with your husband or wife. Talk to your spouse and be honest, respectful, and aware of their feelings (though we shouldn’t let feelings dictate our actions). Work together to make it right!