Married men deal with many issues in their lives; the last thing he wants is his wife to be a part of them. He wants his wife to be a blessing as he already desires to bless her. I’ve said many times before men go into a marriage with the mindset that their success is for their wives and family. Men want to bless their wives, provide for them, and protect them. It’s not about him, but them.
However, unfortunately, the modern woman has a selfish mindset. They want the men they enter into a relationship with to take care of them and their kids. Many women already have children but no husband, and they expect another man to desire to care for another man’s children and her.
What happens when a wife becomes a problem for her husband? In this article, I will discuss the consequences of a wife who becomes a source of stress and pain, i.e., a problem for her husband.
The Man’s World
Men work hard for themselves, their wives, and their children. We already believe that our efforts are for our wives and children, not merely for ourselves. A man’s world is about provision, protection, and prosperity for himself and his family.
Men deal with many problems, such as hostile coworkers or employees, problematic bosses, and even bad neighbors. He also has to deal with home maintenance and lawn care. He may or may not be a handyman who can do his home improvement projects. However, he believes that it is his responsibility that the house is safe and pleasing to his wife.
The last thing a man wants is for his wife to contribute to his life stresses. Men live challenging lives in trying to provide for themselves and their families. I suppose this is why God designed the woman to be the man’s helper. He needs it!
What A Man Wants
Ultimately a man wants success and peace. He works hard and desires peace when he gets home. Ideally, he would love for his wife to meet him clothed in lingerie, holding his slippers, or with a massage. Men don’t want to deal with the world’s stresses and stress at home.
Men want to be emotionally connected to their wives. Men want a loving wife who will support, help, and be with them in life. We want a life partner. Men also want to know that their homes are a haven. The last thing a man wants is to deal with a problem wife in what is supposed to be his castle.
How Wives Can Be a Problem
A problem wife can manifest in many ways. Below I highlight a few of them. If you are a wife, please consider whether you are guilty of any of the following.
Men want to be respected, especially by their wives. Disrespect is a recipe for disaster in a marriage. There are many ways that disrespect can manifest itself, but overall it is poison to the relationship. A wife might disrespect her husband by talking condescendingly to him, taking him for granted, ignoring him, and treating him poorly in public.
Undermine his decisions
Undermining husbands is a sure way to introduce conflict into the marriage, especially regarding the children. Agreements should be respected and upheld. To agree on something and then undermine your husband by doing what you want to do apart from the agreement is extremely bad for the relationship and household.
A pertinent example involves disciplining the children. You may agree with your husband on a particular course of action but then appease the children or child by doing something else. Undermining him will produce strife in the relationship, leading to resentment and all kinds of problems.
No man wants a nagging wife. Nagging is an annoying practice many men respond to by avoiding the nagger and pulling away. A wife who nags her husband is only pushing him away. Other more productive means of conflict resolution should be sought besides nagging.
Withholding and Sexual Manipulation
Using sex to manipulate your husband or withholding sex is one of the biggest mistakes wives can make. Men emotionally connect with their wives through sex. When you withhold it, you are interfering or even prohibiting those emotional connections. Using it to manipulate him will only prove to backfire, as no man wants to be controlled, especially by someone who is supposed to support him.
Has an Attitude
A man expects his wife to respect and treat him like an adult. A wife with an attitude is the antithesis of both. He doesn’t want to deal with a woman with an attitude. That only produces stress, which he wants to avoid (like any other human). She becomes a problem when her bad attitude is what he has to deal with regularly.
She Complains About His Not Helping Her
I’ve heard many women complain about their husbands not helping them with dishes, with the kids, and more. However, that is a backward attitude because God made the woman the man’s helper, not the other way around. That is not to say that a man should not help his wife. Remember, I already said men are wired going into a marriage and that their efforts are for her and his family. He already wants to help his wife, provide for her, and overall bless her.
Wives should consider how they help their husbands instead of focusing on why he doesn’t help them. Of course, communication is vital. Discover his mindset about housework and the like. Discover what he thinks about. Learn his love language so you can communicate with him more effectively.
Doesn’t Help Him
I already said that wives should consider how they help their husbands. She becomes a problem when she doesn’t help him and doesn’t fulfill her purpose, which is to be her husband’s helper.
He already wants to help her but from his perspective, not hers. He wants to provide for her and bless her.
Not Involved in His Life
A wife can quickly become a problem to her husband if she does not get involved in his life. That is a recipe for becoming roommates. He will begin to think she doesn’t care about him and that his purpose is home maintenance and lawn care. Wives should go on their husband’s side of the fence and get involved with their lives.
Men want their wives to be a part of their lives. They want a partner to journey through life with, not merely an object he has to support or a responsibility he must meet. He wants a soulmate, not a roommate.
The ultimate consequence of a wife that is a problem to her husband is he will pull away from her. Like any other human, men tend to avoid those things that give them pain. He will pull away from his wife if she becomes a source of stress and stive.
His response to a problem wife will take many forms. They include but are not limited to the following.
- Indifference – He will begin to be indifferent to his wife and her needs. Indifference will grow into full-blown apathy if not corrected.
- Resentment – He will begin to resent his marriage and its associated things, such as the children. Resentment is the poison that slowly destroys any relationship.
- Anger – He may develop general anger directed at other things besides his wife. He’ll develop a general angry attitude towards life and the people around him.
- Depressed – Constantly dealing with stress can wear any person out. Having to come home to stress and unhappiness will take its toll on his outlook on life.
- Distant – He’ll start to pull away from his wife and become a distant observer.
- Avoid home and wife – distancing himself from his wife may cause him to avoid contact with her by staying away from home as much as possible.
- Deterioration of the marriage – Of course, the overall result of a problem wife and his response to her is the deterioration of the marriage.
- Roommates – The breakdown of the emotional connection between husband and wife will relegate the marriage to a roommate relationship. Responsibilities will be met, but a personal/emotional connection will fade.
- Separation and divorce – It is possible that a man (or woman) may attempt to salvage their life and rescue themselves from a bad marriage by separating themselves from their spouse or divorcing them completely.
Men want to provide for and protect their wives and family. He goes into a marriage with that mindset, knowing that his success is not merely for himself. However, today we are inundated by the mentality of modern women who only want men to take care of them and their children from another man.
Wives become problems when they turn their husband’s desire to bless them into a curse, i.e., a source of pain. The husband’s ultimate response to a problem and painful wife is to pull away from her.
The consequence of a problem wife is an unhappy and unfulfilled husband who distances himself from the woman he wants to love and protect. The ultimate consequence is a broken marriage that may even lead to divorce.
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