This article is the converse of a similar article I wrote about the consequences of wives rejecting their husbands, which was from the husband’s side of the equation. Now let’s look at the wife’s side of the equation and discuss the consequences of husbands who reject their wives.
I was enlightened by many forum posts and articles where women expressed their sadness, among other emotions, caused by their husbands rejecting them. Women expressed the desire to be touched, to cuddle, have sex, and more. However, their husbands were withholding these things from them. Their husband’s rejection had in some cases severe negative consequences.
In this article, I attempt to present to husbands what happens when they reject their wives. First, we will investigate ways that husbands reject their wives and then the impact that rejection has on her. We’ll then look at some possible solutions to the causes of rejection and some other things to consider.
Ways A Husband Rejects His Wife
I found it interesting that most of the information I gathered from forums were women expressing their feelings about rejection as it applied to their sex life or physical intimacy. Many expressed the desire for sex but weren’t getting it from their husbands. Some expressed the desire to be hugged, touched, or cuddle but were not getting that from their husbands on a consistent basis.
Though sex is not the only component of a healthy marriage, it is definitely a significant player so to speak, and therefore, should not be neglected. Overall, a husband should not reject his wife sexually or intimately.
- He refuses to have sex with her. He may give various excuses for why he doesn’t want to have sex. Overall, he seems to be uninterested in having sex with his wife.
- He makes time for other things, but not his wife. He has no problem working late, going out with his friends, and watching sports, to name a few. However, he seems to never have time for intimate moments with his wife. This behavior is seen as a rejection by his wife.
- He doesn’t initiate sex. Men are stereotypically thought to have higher libidos than women and are expected to initiate sex. Of course, that is not the case in many situations. Women want sex just as much as men, but in a different context. In any case, if the husband fails to initiate sex as he is stereotypically expected to do, then the wife can easily begin to feel rejected.
- He doesn’t seem to be interested in intimate conversations. It goes without saying that if there is intimacy in the marriage, then both the husband and wife would welcome intimate conversations. If the husband seems to avoid such conversations, then the wife may interpret that as rejection.
- He is distant. If a woman feels as though her husband is emotionally distant from her, then she may feel rejected.
- He is busy with everything else. A man who is always busy but refuses to have some “busy time” with his wife will be seen as rejecting her.
- He seems to prefer social media, sports, or work than spending time with his wife. It goes without saying that any wife may feel rejected if her husband shows no interest in being with her, but instead shows interest in many other things.
No wife wants to be consistently rejected by her husband. Women desire to have sex, emotional connection, intimacy, and acceptance from their husbands to feel loved and desired by him. A husband who rejects his wife sexually, emotionally, or physically causes harm to his marriage because his wife will most likely respond negatively to it.
The Consequences of Rejection
How does consistent rejection effect the wife? What are the consequences of the marriage for the wife who is consistently rejected for months and years by her husband? Women suffer when she is rejected by her husband and her response to it is bad news for the relationship in most cases.
Loss of Love and Affection
A consequence of a husband consistently rejecting his wife is that she may lose love and affection for him. She becomes emotionally, physically, sexually, intellectually, and even spiritually disconnected from him.
The Loss of Respect
How can a woman respect her husband if he constantly rejects her? Over time, she will gradually lose respect for her husband who rejects her day in and day out. He is supposed to cherish her and love her. He has abandoned his promise to her and therefore, cannot be trusted, which leads to respect leaking out of the relationship.
The Loss of Friendship
Women tend to want to be with their husbands and not just sexually. They want to know that he is her friend and that she can trust him. It becomes difficult to maintain a friendship if she is constantly rejected by her husband. Imagine if a friend constantly rejects you. Eventually, the friendship would dissolve. The same is true even in marriage. A lasting friendship cannot flourish in an environment of rejection.
I remember a saying when I was a kid that went something like this, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” The fact of the matter is that a husband’s words and the intangible things he may do can indeed hurt his wife. A husband’s rejection of his wife causes her emotional and psychological pain.
Her response to being consistently rejected may be to pull away from her husband to stop being hurt by him.
Unsatisfied Yearning for Sex
Women want sex too. Sex in marriage is not something that is only important to men. If a man refuses to have sex with his wife, then that yearning can build and be expressed in ways that are detrimental to the marriage. At best, it may cause strife and tension in the relationship.
Paranoia and Jealousy
A woman may start wondering why her husband consistently rejects her. Thoughts of the possibility of another woman can easily enter her mind and she can become jealous of any woman that comes near him. She may also become suspicious of him using porn. Of course, this paranoia and jealousy will understandably have a negative effect on the marriage.
The feeling of sadness was a common theme among women who were rejected by their husbands. Of course, we periodically feel sad at certain times, like losing a game, the death of a loved one, etc. However, if that sadness were to continue over an extended period, then it would certainly have a negative impact on our lives. The same is true of the sadness that a woman may experience from being consistently rejected by her husband.
It goes without saying that a woman would wonder if her husband loves her if he consistently rejects her. She can, of course, begin to think that her husband really doesn’t love her. The feeling of being unloved can spawn other things such as depression, pulling away from her husband, and withholding sex.
Feel Ugly and Unattractive
Many women begin to think that they are unattractive or even ugly because their husbands reject them. It is easy to see the logic here. If he loves her and finds her attractive, then he would not reject her. Therefore, if he avoids intimacy with her, then she may think there may be something wrong with her. She may feel that he rejects her because she isn’t attractive to him.
A wife may come to feel used by her husband if he consistently rejects her but depends on her to do things like cook, clean, raise the children, shop, etc., while he goes out and enjoys his life leaving her at home. She may come to feel that he doesn’t love her but rather needs her to be his household servant.
Feel Like a Sex Object and Baby Factory
This is a special case of the consequence shown above. If a husband constantly rejects his wife in every way, except sexually when he wants it, then she may feel like she is just a sex toy or that her place in the marriage is to satisfy him sexually.
If children are born, then she may feel that he only wants to use her to have his children. The wife could definitely feel used, unloved, and depressed if she believes these are her husband’s motives for her in the relationship.
Given all the feelings that a woman may have, because she is rejected by her husband, it is not a surprise that depression may result. Unhappiness and unfulfillment appear to be all she has to look forward to each day. The only happiness that she may realize is when her husband is away on travel or she can get away and be with her friends.
A woman may feel cheated out of a good life because her marriage is unfulfilling due to her husband’s rejection of her and refusal to work at the marriage. She went into the marriage hoping that they would be happy together, only to find that it seems her husband had other plans that did not include her, at least in an intimate context. She believes that he cheated on her by flipping the switch on her after they were married.
Unattractive While Pregnant
I found a special case of women feeling unattractive when they are rejected by their husbands, and that is when they are pregnant. They may begin to feel that the changes in her body have made her unattractive to her husband and he, therefore, avoids intimacy with her. He may surely avoid sex with her.
A woman needs to feel wanted and loved even when she is pregnant. She does not go into some other psychological mindset where the desire for sex and intimacy no longer exists. Husbands have to be sensitive to her needs even during pregnancy.
I would like to interject on this special case of women feeling unattractive while pregnant. I recall when my wife was pregnant. I didn’t see her as being unattractive, but I did want to avoid sex with her. In my mind, and I know better now, I thought that having sex during pregnancy wasn’t safe, so I avoided it.
A Broken Heart
Being rejected by her husband can hurt a wife deep inside her heart. Her very being is hurt if she is rejected by her husband because it may make her feel unwanted, unattractive, unloved, etc. A broken heart may be difficult to repair given how deep it goes inside of her.
She Pulls Away from her Husband
Pulling away from her husband is a logical and expected consequence of being rejected. She no longer initiates sex and may avoid it altogether. She may avoid intimate conversations and spending time with her husband. She feels unloved, undesired, or worse, used, which in turn causes her to pull away from the source of the pain—her husband.
Her husband may interpret her pulling away from him as rejection, which in turn causes him to purposely pull away from her. This cycle will continue and get worse unless it is broken by honest communication and working through the issues that cause him to reject her in the first place.
I was surprised to discover that some women tend to blame themselves when their husbands reject them. She may think that the reason he rejects her is that she has become unattractive to him, she isn’t a good wife, etc. She personalizes his rejection and negative feelings about herself may develop.
I would like to interject here something that I believe is very important. No one should be blamed for the condition of marriage. Surely, the wife should not blame herself for her husband’s rejection. Married couples have to learn to work things out, communicate efficiently, and be honest with each other. Blaming the other for what’s happening in the marriage is counterproductive. It’s not about blame, but rather solutions.
Creates Internal Psychological Scars
A woman who has to constantly deal with rejection by her husband may develop long-lasting psychological and perhaps emotional scars. In some cases, it may affect her relationship with other people because she may inherently distrust them.
If the marriage ends in divorce, then she may have a hard time accepting love from any other man thinking that he too will hurt her.
Of course, a woman will begin to resent her husband when he consistently rejects her, causing her several types of pain. That resentment will grow like a weed making it increasingly difficult to reconcile as time passes.
Decreased Self-Esteem and Self-Worth
A woman may experience a sense of low self-esteem and self-worth if she is consistently rejected by her husband. She links her self-esteem with the acceptance of her husband. If he rejects her, then she thinks that there is something wrong with her, which can also lead her to believe that her value in the marriage is diminished.
Feel Unwanted and Undesired
A husband who consistently deprives his wife of intimacy by rejecting her causes her to feel unwanted and undesired. This is especially true if she tries to approach him for intimate conversation, sex, quality time together, etc. Perhaps her husband doesn’t want her anymore. Perhaps he wants someone else. No wife should have to experience such feelings.
It is a bad thing when a woman gets married and later begins to feel lonely because her husband rejects her so much. However, there are many women who feel lonely in their relationships, children or not, because of the rejection she consistently gets from her husband who promised to cherish and love her.
The feelings of loneliness can result in a search to belong to someone else or something else. Perhaps she’ll spend more time at work, with friends, or find herself in the arms of another man who makes her feel loved.
If a woman is rejected by her husband for a long period of time (e.g., years) and she works hard to resolve the issues that she believes may be causing the rejection, then she may start to feel hopeless. She may begin to think that her marriage will never get better and that she may have to live a life of not being wanted, desired, or loved by her husband.
The state of hopelessness can morph into resentment very easily, which could send her on a path to reject her husband, and then seek happiness elsewhere, even in the arms of another man.
Feel Like She Doesn’t Want to be Married Anymore
It is understandable that if a woman experiences rejection from her husband consistently over a long period, then she may begin to reject her husband and marriage. She may come to a point where she doesn’t want to be married to him anymore and then seek to get out of the relationship.
Pursues Acceptance Elsewhere
It is understandable that a woman may pursue acceptance elsewhere since her husband constantly rejects her. This pursuit pulls her away from her husband who is not only a source of unfulfillment but a source of emotional and psychological pain. I’m sure it is easy to see how this could result in an emotional attachment to another man or even infidelity.
Frustration and Anger
A woman may become frustrated as she is consistently rejected by her husband regardless of what she does to make things better. Her husband insists on rejecting her and makes no attempt to resolve the issue or keep his promise to her at their wedding. She becomes frustrated, which turns into anger and resentment.
This may have a catastrophic impact on the marriage because frustration, anger, and resentment are agents that pull couples apart.
Loss of Commitment
How can a woman remain committed to her marriage when her husband is not committed to her? If he continues to reject her, then she will begin to associate her marriage with pain and develop a desire to get away from that pain. This can lead directly to the loss of commitment to the marriage, which could lead directly to separation or divorce.
One of the situations I observed with women being rejected by their husbands was they became confused. This was a special case when women admitted that their husbands were good men, good with the kids, takes good care of her, but rejects her intimately and sexually. They confessed that they did not know what to do in that situation. They were being fulfilled in other areas, but not in the area of intimacy and sex.
A woman who is constantly rejected by her husband may find acceptance from another man. That acceptance could lead to an emotional attachment, which in turn leads to infidelity. She thinks about her love interest constantly even when she is with her husband. Her husband rejects her, but that man accepts her. It is quite natural for her to allow herself to be emotionally attached to another man since it reduces the pain she experiences from her husband.
One thing leads to another and the road of rejection can lead to separation or divorce. A woman who is constantly rejected by her husband will feel several types of pain described above. She’ll be sad, angry, depressed, and more most of the time. Her life with her husband becomes a nightmare and she comes to a point where she wants to end the pain. She wants to end the marriage.
She and her husband may separate without getting a formal divorce. She just wants to get away from the pain—her husband. If she does find herself emotionally attached to another man that seems to accept her and genuinely love her, then she may seek a divorce to pursue greener pastures so to speak.
Husbands. Stop rejecting your wife. It’s that simple. Work with your wife to uncover the reason you reject her or why she thinks you are rejecting her. Talk about it and resolve it. Don’t withhold intimacy, kindness, respect, sex, and love from your wife. Be with her emotionally, intellectually, politically, spiritually, and intimately. Do not prioritize other things over your relationship with your wife.
Wives. Express your feelings when you are rejected by your husband. It is possible that he is not purposely rejecting you, but rather behaving in a way that you think he is. Do not give up on your marriage. Keep trying to make things better. Educate yourself about marriage and talk to your husband about how you feel without being condemning or confrontational. The goal is always to obtain a happy marriage. Work together to make things right.
Another important thing to do is to always improve yourself. It is unwise to think that a wife can let herself go physically, don’t care to groom herself to look nice, wear baggy clothes around the house, and otherwise does not present herself sensually to her husband like she did when they were dating, and expect him to chase her around the house so to speak.
Stay attractive for yourself and him. Make sure that he has a reason to want to desire you and be with you. If he starts to not like what he sees, then quite naturally he will instinctively avoid intimacy. That can be overcome on his part, especially if the relationship is a good one. However, do all you can to be desirable and approachable. Create an affinity between you and him to help keep him coming to you. Always strive to be the best version of you, not just for your husband, but for yourself too.
Seek God for wisdom about resolving issues within the marriage and for making the marriage a happy one. Always have God involved in your marriage if you really want it to succeed. Pray together as you pursue truly being together. You might even try reading and discussing Scripture together. The things that bring you together are good for your marriage.
A woman who feels she is being rejected by her husband should ask herself why he is rejecting her. That question alone could open the doorway to finding the problem and resolving it. Her husband may appear to be rejecting her, but in fact, there may be other things going on with him. Here are some things to consider.
He is Protecting Himself
What if a woman’s husband had bad experiences with women in the past? He may not realize that his deep-seated protective measures are being applied to his wife and that she is interpreting it as rejection. He may feel extremely vulnerable after the wedding day because now he has committed to the relationship. This may scare him and cause him to put up his guard and unknowingly push his wife away in the process.
He Really Has Little to No Interest in Sex
It is possible that the husband has little to no interest in sex for several reasons. He may be asexual, experience pain with sex, or simply had bad experiences with sex in the past. Therefore, he has developed a guard or an aversion to sex. The wife may have thought it was simply to remain chaste before marriage, but later discovers that he really doesn’t seem to want sex.
There could also be medical or psychological reasons that he doesn’t want sex or avoids intimacy. The key is to discuss it openly and honestly and work to resolve it.
A husband may be suffering from erectile dysfunction, and having sex exposes this condition. He avoids sex simply to avoid the embarrassment of not being able to perform sexually as he wants, and therefore, not satisfying his wife. This can be devastating to a man.
The husband should tell his wife about his condition and she should be understanding and supportive. Many times, the condition is psychological, and stressing over it only makes it worse.
He Was Taught That Sex Is Bad
Consider that a man may have been in a legalistic religious environment that has influenced is beliefs about many topics, one of which is sex. It is possible that a husband may believe that sex is only for reproduction and otherwise a bad thing. That belief will hinder him from being open towards sex apart from reproduction or perhaps, sex in general.
Lots of communication is in order here, ideally before the wedding day. However, if the wife discovers that her husband has a negative disposition towards sex, then she will have to work it out with her husband to eliminate that false teaching from him so that he would be open to it with her.
Husbands. Work hard to avoid rejecting your wife, especially purposefully. Your wife needs intimacy. She wants sex. She wants to bind with you to be one flesh. However, accomplishing that state of togetherness is very difficult if you constantly reject her.
Rejecting your wife will only contribute negatively to the marriage. Talk to each other and work out the issues that arise in your relationship. Support and love your wife.
Free Ebook: What Happens to Love In Marriage
Get your free copy of "What Happens to Love in Marriage?" Learn the path that love takes in a marriage and how you can nurture it to produce the loving, happy, and fulfilling marriage that you desire to have.