Introduction

When I married, I realized I didn’t know how to be a husband. I hadn’t been one before, and I hadn’t purposely researched or learned about it. I was going into a serious life-changing relationship ignorantly. I learned how to be a man from my father but not how to be a husband, except from what I observed of him growing up. Still, I didn’t know for sure how to be a good husband, even though I might have had a glimpse of what it looked like from my father.

Being a good husband was the first step to establishing a successful, fulfilling, and happy marriage. At least, that is what I thought. Therefore, I began educating myself on marriage and being a husband. I purchased books and tapes and downloaded many articles on marriage from websites. I wanted a successful marriage, and I believed it would start with me.

How many other men were in the same boat? They perhaps learned manhood from their fathers or elders but not how to be a husband. What impact does ignorance about being a husband have on marriages, our communities, and society in general?

This article will discuss the consequences of men not trained to be husbands. How does that ignorance affect the relationship, household, her husband, and more? Let’s get started.

What is a Husband?

A husband is a married man. Traditionally, men are called kings of their castles. They are the man of the house (responsible person). They provide for and protect their families. However, what insight does the Bible give us about the meaning of husbands? Unlike the woman, God did not make the man for the woman. He created man to have dominion over His creation.

Genesis 1:26–27 (NKJV) — 26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

God created man (male and female) to rule his creation on earth, and he made the woman to help him (See Genesis chapter 2). Genesis also shows us that the man should leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, making one union (Genesis 2:24).

Besides being a married man, different cultures have their own idea of what a husband is. Women considering marrying a man need to know what he thinks a husband is and compare that with her expectations, which she should also communicate to him.

Being a husband is to be head of his wife. The Apostle Paul said that husbands are the head of their wives. That means they protect them and stick their necks out for them. They are the first to face danger because he is ahead of his wife.

Husbands should strive to fulfill their aspirations while their wives are with them helping. Husbands are not loners but one part of the union.

Domination

Husband should not dominate their wives. That is not how God designed the marriage relationship to be. Dominion over each other was the result/consequence of their fall, i.e., sin.

Genesis 3:16 (NKJV) — 16 To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.”

The idea that a husband should rule over his wife is not of God. A husband and wife should be one unit. Therefore, a husband is not a man who dominates his wife.

The Consequences

Here are some consequences of men who are ignorant about what it means to be a husband.

Conflict From Unmet Expectations

Women may have their own expectations of what their husbands should be. Some may expect their husbands to take care of them, while others wish to serve their husbands. She may expect she’ll be able to stay home while her husbands make a living for the family. However, the husband may expect his wife to work with him in business or have a job to help with the family finances.

Her unmet expectations will cause conflict because she expects her husband to do something that he never thought he would do in the first place. In addition, he may not have learned what she expects him to do. That is why communication before and during marriage is essential.

Frustrated Wife

Wives may become frustrated when their husbands do not do the things they expected them to do. He is not the husband she thought she would get. She may begin to express her frustration, which may cause her husband to respond adversely. He may be unaware that he is not the husband her wife expected, though he could be.

Her needs become unmet because her husband doesn’t do what she hoped he would. That is especially critical with the mindset of some modern women who expect their husbands to care for them. She thought she would get married and stay home leisurely while her husband made money to support her lifestyle.

That frustration could quickly morph into resentment, which is the silent killer of any relationship.

Dysfunctional Household

A man who does not operate effectively as a husband and, therefore, the head of his wife is in danger of spawning a dysfunctional household. He doesn’t know he is to cover his wife and protect her. He doesn’t realize that he should provide for her and love her.

Not walking in a God-given role as a husband could cause severe consequences to the relationship and development of their children.

Husbands progress with their wives by their sides and accomplish great things. Their children, if any, learn from that example. If that dynamic is absent, the functionality of the household will suffer.

 

Disappointed Wife

Wives would be disappointed to find that their husbands are not what they dreamed of. Perhaps he has no vision and no goals to accomplish. Maybe she was hoping to be part of a team accomplishing great things together but is joined by a man who doesn’t do much except go to work and watch ball games.

A consistently disappointed wife will stress the relationship and create a dark cloud in the household. She will indeed become unhappy, if not already.

Unhappy Wife

How unhappy a wife will be if her husband has no clue what it means to be her husband. Her hopes and dreams gradually go up in smoke because her husband is not the person she thought he would be.

Perhaps he doesn’t meet her needs and expectations. Perhaps he doesn’t spend enough time with her or have intimate conversations. Perhaps he doesn’t seem to want to have sex with her. His ignorance about being a husband leads to her unhappiness, which will adversely affect the household.

Unloved Wife

Husbands should love their wives. However, love may be perceived differently between husband and wife. That is why it is essential to know each other’s love language and speak it regularly.

If husbands don’t speak their wives’ love languages so they feel loved, they may cause their wives to feel unloved and lonely. She may begin to think he only wants a cook or housewife, not a companion. She becomes unhappy, and that will express itself in different ways.

Bad Marriage

A man ignorant about being a husband could significantly contribute to a bad marriage. He doesn’t realize how he is hurting the relationship with his wife. He doesn’t know he is slowly destroying his relationship with his wife and damaging the functionality of the household.

 

Conclusion

Many men suffer in marriage because they don’t know how to be husbands. Their wives may be frustrated, unhappy, and disappointed. She may even regret being married if the marriage deteriorates.

Unless he realizes his ignorance, things between him and his wife may only worsen as they grow apart. Therefore, men and women must discuss their expectations in marriage before the wedding day. Good communication is so essential before and within marriage.

Men can still learn to be good husbands by educating themselves about it and discussing it with the one they consider marrying.

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