Introduction

Many men express their thoughts and pains about being sexually rejected by their wives. They entered marriage thinking they would have a companion for life, only to find they were alone because their wives seemed to want nothing to do with them. Marriage was merely a means to an end.

I wrote an article in 2021 titled “The Consequences of Wives Rejecting Their Husbands.” This article is a follow-up to that extremely popular article and video on YouTube. There is a link to both at the end of this article. I wrote this follow-up because of the high number of men who have commented about their experiences of being rejected by their wives.

I’ve learned much more about the problem of wives rejecting their husbands and decided to write this follow-up to share with you. Let me also point out that women are sometimes rejected by their husbands. So, this is not merely a problem with men; it appears to happen much more with men than with women.

What happens when men are consistently rejected (primarily sexually) by their wives? How does that affect the men and their marriages?

Writing Style

I decided to experiment with a different writing style within this article. I wrote parts of the article as if men expressed their experiences with a rejecting wife. It’s as if I am interviewing them and writing what they say. I must admit it made writing much easier for me.

Feeling Unwanted

My dog is happier to see me when I get home than my wife. No matter what he’s doing, he will come to the door with his tail wagging as if he hasn’t seen me in years. In comparison, my wife will still be watching television or something else. I have a stronger emotional bond with my dog than my wife.

There are shorts on Instagram where wives greet their husbands as they come home from work by twerking. Imagine that. It’s like in the old days when men would love for their wives to greet them in lingerie when they come home from work.

It seems that women only want what their husbands can provide and not their husbands themselves. Their perception of their husbands is that they are functional entities, not people with whom they can be connected.

What if my wife genuinely wanted me for me? She should expect that I would provide for and protect her. But what if she wanted me because of me and not merely for what I could offer her? What if my wife wasn’t selfish? I wish she wanted me the way my dog does.

Sometimes, I come into the room while my wife watches sitcoms or scrolling through social media, hoping she finds my company more meaningful and puts the phone down or turns off the television. That rarely happens. Typically, she continues what she is doing while I sit there. Eventually, I leave to do something else.

However, my dog will follow me wherever I go, lie down next to me, or be at my feet. My dog is truly my best friend, though I wish my wife was. Not that I want my wife to follow me around like my dog does. I wish her reaction to me was more like my dog’s, where she is happy to see me and expresses it affectionately and genuinely.

Affection is Reserved For the Children

I used to think women would abandon their husbands to bond with their children. The children become their highest priority, and husbands are left to fend for themselves. However, the abandonment comes long before the children are born. My wife was focused on having children and did all she could to have the highest probability of having them.

Of course, when the first child was born, she became the apple of my wife’s eye. It seemed like being a mother was her reason for existing. Being a wife was merely an avenue to becoming a mother. I was just a cog in that wheel, i.e., a means to an end.

It hurt me when I came into the family room and my children were cuddled around my wife, watching television. For a little while, my wife tried to breastfeed our first child, but she abandoned that with the other two. However, it hurt me to come into a room while she was breastfeeding because I knew it was off-limits to me.

Husbands become their wives’ supporters and helpers instead of the other way around. Men discovered their role in marriage was to provide a moral environment for their wives to become mothers. Instead of her being his helper, he becomes hers.

She focuses her time and energy on the children and little to no time for the relationship, such as quality time together and intimacy. In other words, I don’t count any longer. Sex played its role, and now it is put away on the shelf. The children are born, and affection has gone—at least for me.

I love my kids, but I see them partly as a burden and the object of my wife’s rejection of me. I work hard to keep from taking my frustrations with my wife out on them. They are innocent, but not really. They are evidence of the trick my wife played on me. I look at my firstborn and say to myself, “That’s why my wife left me.”

It’s interesting how she can find all the time she needs to do things for the children. However, no time is reserved for us to be intimate. Our time together has dwindled to a few minutes before getting struck by the sandman. Even then, my hopes are windows into delusion. I know in my mind and heart that nothing will come of it. She’ll just slowly fall asleep.

At War With Sexual Imagination

Sometimes, I go to work where a woman is dressed sensually. She might not have intended to be sensual, but her physique is revealed by the clothes she wears. I tend to be sensitive to that because of my lack of sex with my wife.

Women around me become more attractive each day. My body starts to yearn for them—to lust for what they can give, e.g., butt, legs, breast. I don’t get those at home, though I try foolishly. Even women in television commercials are stimulating. Look at those legs, that butt, those lips. Those are things I will never have, not even from my wife.

Each day is worse as I fight temptations to give in to my body’s cry for sex. It wants to feel the softness of a breast on my face or legs around my head. I want to feel the warm body under me, but I know that will not happen. I must learn self-control, or else I will get into much trouble.

I have a hard time looking forward to accomplishing great things each day. I know I will expend lots of energy fighting temptations, trying not to stare at the big-legged women on my job or walking down the street. I find myself gazing at pictures in magazines or marketing ads.

It’s been so long since my wife and I had sex that I thought I should do something to relieve the sexual tension that has accumulated over the years. Sometimes, I can’t think straight on the job. My mind keeps going to visions of women who want me and want to have sex with me. If only I could daydream about my wife. That would only make my predicament more traumatic.

The hard part is knowing that our sexual relationship will probably not get better. How will I cope? Will I fall for another woman or porn? I didn’t think I would have to practice self-control with a wife. I thought having a wife would satiate the desire to be wanted and to connect through sex.

Regret Getting Married

I thought getting married was a man and woman getting together in a committed relationship. My dream was for us to accomplish great things together. We would have our business, be financially independent, have three kids, and live in a nice house with a picket fence and station wagon. However, marriage turned out to be something completely different.

First, we are not together. We live in the same house, and things get done, but we are not a cohesive unit or “one flesh,” as the Bible depicts marriage. We are roommates or coworkers in the household incorporated.

We don’t have much sex or intimacy. Most of what we do is functional. The benefits of marriage appear to be functional, not personal. That means we can do more financially because we pool our money together. However, it would be nice if we were together intimately.

So, why did I get married if marriage is not much different than having a responsible roommate? The only advantage is found in function. A married couple will have someone to care for them when they are sick or injured, help support the family if one loses their job, have more money to buy things, have the presence of another person in the house, and share household duties.

Fallen Out of Love

Marriage has not been a good thing for me emotionally. Our marriage is sexless, and intimacy was prevalent while we were dating. Sometimes, I yearn for my wife because she looks so good lying in bed, walking around the bedroom with little clothes on, or just sitting in the chair. However, after years of rejection, I’ve learned to disable my desire for her because the cravings will be unfulfilled, and I’ll have to fight the demons of temptation the next day.

I don’t have the same feelings for her as I did initially, especially while we were dating. I don’t see her as my queen or even companion. She’s just a roommate or housemate. Nothing that any other person can step into for the most part. I don’t need to love her to get things done like paying bills, managing the house, etc.

Gradually, the emotional connection between us faded and, with it, romantic love. I don’t feel butterflies in my stomach when I look at her. I feel disappointment, betrayal, and anger when I think of her. She killed my hopes for us, and I no longer love her romantically.

Emotional Connections are Sought Elsewhere

A consequence of a man falling out of love with his wife is that he is vulnerable to falling in love with another woman. He may seek to connect emotionally with someone else. The funny thing is that it may make him feel better about his marriage. Why? He may feel better because another woman has resolved a vital deficiency, so he can go home feeling relieved, and the ill feelings towards his wife because of her rejections are easily dismissed.

However, binding with another woman may bring on a different category of pain. The guilt of betraying his wife or the shame of having sex with another woman may start eating him up from the inside, making his current situation worse than the first.

What recourse does he have? Working with his wife to establish a loving relationship where they are emotionally connected seems impossible now. Living together as roommates is unfulfilling and seems to lead to a more miserable life as desires continue to be unmet. Becoming emotionally connected to another woman will eventually bring about even more hurt and suffering.

The Bible says that deferred hope makes the heart sick. Therefore, consistent rejection by a man’s wife will produce more pain. The other alternative is divorce, but what if the next woman is the same?

Apathy

It is hard for me to think pleasantly of my wife because she lied to me. She said she wanted to be married but only wanted the security and financial freedom I could provide her.

She was in an accident several months ago, and I felt nothing except a sense of responsibility. I wasn’t sad or hurt because my beloved was hurt. She isn’t my beloved, and I didn’t feel anything. I went to the hospital to visit her out of obligation, not feelings.

I had scary thoughts as well. What if that truck was going faster, and my wife was killed? I didn’t think of the emptiness that I might feel. Instead, I thought about the life insurance and funeral costs. I thought about the children and how they would be cared for.

I didn’t feel much for her because we had become emotionally disconnected. I didn’t realize what that meant until that accident.

Another weird thought was contemplating myself in the car when the truck crashed into it. What if I was killed? A passing thought struck me. I would be in a better place. My pain would be over. I hadn’t realized it then, but the pain I felt from being rejected so much by my wife affected my outlook on life itself. I realized I hated my life.

Hate for Life

Why should a bad marriage cause me to hate my life? Not that I wanted to die. I just felt that everything about my life was pointless. Nothing I did mattered. My wife didn’t care about me, and she was the one I thought did. She used me or didn’t care enough about our relationship to invest in it. I am a pawn for her life, and there is no one for mine.

I thought God put us together, but perhaps I was mistaken. Maybe I made a big mistake on the wedding day. Maybe there was someone else for me, and I missed her.

Sometimes, I have an awful day at work. That, in itself, is okay because everyone has a bad experience with everything they do sometimes. However, I know I will go home to rejection and misery without comfort for my work pains. I’ll have to do my household duties with a smile because, God forbid, I upset my wife. I have to consider her feelings while mine are invalidated.

Protect from further hurt

Why do I need to protect myself from my own wife? It is natural to defend yourself when someone attacks you. I never thought in a million years that I would need to protect myself against my wife’s behavior towards me. Just like someone swinging at me, I find myself needing to protect myself from the pain that my wife continues to throw my way.

How do husbands protect themselves from being further hurt by their wives? First, they emotionally disconnect themselves from their wives. Actually, that is happening already because of rejection. Without intimacy, the husband has no way to emotionally connect with his wife, so the connection between them is weak.

Husbands may also begin to treat their wives like enemies who try to harm them. That may manifest in hostile behavior towards their wives, such as angry outbursts. Men may find ways to spend less time at home with their wives to be somewhere else. Of course, that “somewhere else” could be with another woman.

The bottom line is men may do what they deem necessary to protect themselves from further pain and frustration from wives who consistently reject them and, therefore, emotionally hurt them.

Divorce

So many times on online message boards and forums do men advise hurting men not to tolerate sexual rejection from their wives. They say to divorce her before many years or decades pass by. Divorce her early in the marriage, they would advise.

I didn’t quite understand it then because I thought you should try to work things out, which would take time. However, the more a man waits to bail out of the relationship, the more he has to lose, given the perception men have of divorce court.

Men may decide to divorce their wives in hopes of salvaging their lives. Today, men are choosing not to marry because of the attitude of modern women. So, he may remain single or try again with someone else, being much more cautious about his selection. He may require a prenuptial agreement.

Destruction of the Family

Some have suggested that marriage is an old concept that doesn’t apply today. However, marriage is ordained by God and has its place in society and the lives of individuals. The problem, in my opinion, is that people have rejected God’s ways and created a Godless environment for all, including the family.

Marriage is a man and woman becoming one flesh. Originally, they were to dominate God’s creation, but that system became corrupted when Adam and Eve sinned against God. We suffer from their sin today as we move consistently further from God’s ways.

Bad marriages cause the intended benefits of a family unit to become unrealized. When a wife rejects her husband consistently, for example, his reaction is to move away from her and the relationship because that’s where his wife pushes him. That breakup tears down the family, causing damage to the children’s development and future marriages.

For example, today, more men choose not to get married because of the risks. It is not beneficial for men to get married because modern women, perhaps fueled by modern-day feminism, think men are to take care of them while they provide nothing in return. A man could lose everything he worked for to a woman who never wanted him in the first place.

Therefore, he stays unmarried but may have sex with women to satisfy his libido. That could result in children outside of marriage growing up without a father or, at best, a dysfunctional home.

Marriage is under attack, which in turn destroys the family. That negatively affects our society because we have people growing up without the God-ordained benefit of a household with a man and woman being one flesh raising their children together.

Options

Here are some options that men have regarding rejection by their wives.

Maintain Your Self-Worth: Don’t allow your wives’ rejection to influence your self-worth as much as you can. You have value, and your wife’s consistent rejection should not cause you to overlook that value. Consider the things you do and know. You are valuable; don’t let anyone cause you to overlook it.

Pursue Your Dreams: Do the things that give you pleasure. That could be hobbies, advancement in your career, a new career, etc. Be sure to do what you love and enjoy your life.

Spend time with family and friends: Okay. Maybe your home life is undesirable. Don’t let it be a killjoy. If spending time with your wife is not a pleasant experience for now, spend time with family and friends. The point is to enjoy your life as much as you can, even with a bad marriage.

Pursue Your Own Happiness: What makes you happy (legally and morally, of course)? Pursue them. After all, you are responsible for your own happiness, not your wife. It’s a beautiful thing if she contributed to your happiness, but if not, don’t let it stop you from pursuing happiness.

Get Help: Sometimes, getting help to cope with a bad marriage can be beneficial. Help can come from a pastor, friend, or someone you trust. There are even online resources for men available to help you cope.

Discuss With Your Wife: It is unfair to your wife to be in pain without telling her. She may not realize you feel rejected. She may be willing to work on the marriage with you. Therefore, always communicate what you think or feel about the relationship to give room for resolution.

Pray for Guidance: Praying for guidance is always beneficial. Granted, God cannot make someone want you or accept you. However, He can guide you with wisdom to approach the problem expediently.

Overall, work to live the best life you can. Stay alert for opportunities to improve your marriage, even if that means improvements to you. Don’t let your wife’s rejection deter you from living a full and happy life. God bless you always.

Watch the Youtube video.

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