What does a man want with regards to marriage?  There are many articles about what a man wants, but they typically are about what he wants from his wife, such as respect, honor, sex, etc.  You are probably very familiar with those things.  However, I would like to share with you the things that a man wants to do in his marriage, not what he wants his wife to do.  Every wife or soon-to-be wife should be aware of the things that I’m about to present, because they are very important to understanding his mindset and interpreting the things that he does..

A man wants…

To be His Wife’s Hero

You’ve heard the phrase “damsel in distress.”  Well it is a man’s dream to save the damsel in distress.  Hubby wants to be his wife’s hero.  He wants to be the one that solves her problems, helps her out of tough situations, makes life easy for her, etc.  I cannot stress how important this one thing is, which we will revisit towards the end of this post when we tie it all together.

To Be His Wife’s Best Friend

A man wants to be his wife’s best friend, which means that he has an intimate relationship with her and she with him.  We love to be able to joke around with our wives, enjoy things together, talk intimately with our wives, and just have fun with our wives.  He wants her to confide in him and trust him to be able to safely be vulnerable to him with any issue she may have, just like a best friend.

To Protect His Wife and Household

A man naturally wants to protect and take care of his wife and family. Wives should also realize that sometimes when a husband asks certain questions, make certain statements, or does certain things, that he may be trying to protect his wife.  He may see something that she does as jeopardizing her safety, so, he may say something to eliminate it.  His protection is more than protecting her from a mugger, per se.  He may be protecting her from anything that he deems a threat to her well-being.

To Provide For His Wife and Family

Men naturally want to be a provider for his wife and family.  This is very important to a man and in many cases, defines him.  One of the worst things a woman can do to her husband is to present herself as a liberated woman who does not need a man to provide for her. Of course, she can provide for herself.  A woman can do whatever she sets her mind to do. However, in marriage, she should consider the natural tendency of her husband to want to provide for her.

To Perpetuate His Family Name

Men typically want to produce children to carry on his heritage or name.  This means that the husband wants to have sex with his wife so that they would have children. Typically, a man wants to have at least one male child to carry on his name.  He may desire a daughter to have someone to love and protect.  Men naturally feel compelled to protect females, especially in his own family.

To Be Affectionate Sexually

A man wants to have sex with his wife to express affection and intimacy. We want to hold our wives, feel her breasts, her butt, her legs, and so forth, as an act of affection, love, and intimacy.  It isn’t that a man just wants to have sexual activity, but rather that sex is a kind of carrier signal for many things to and from his wife.  We give and receive love through sex. We gage our wives’ desire for us through her willingness to have sex.  Without sex, a man feels as though his wife is rejecting him and then all kinds of bad things will start to happen in the relationship.

To Please His Wife in Every Way

Men want to please their wives, and not just sexually but holistically.  Men want to please their wives sexually, financially, with happiness, etc.  We want our wives to be the queen of the land, so to speak. It does a man’s heart very good to see his wife happy and not lacking anything.

To Love His Wife

A man wants to love his wife.  However, for a man, love is not something that is typically expressed by mere words.  To men, love is something that is demonstrated or expressed through action. Therefore, he is going to love his wife through actions such as working hard to provide, protection, care, etc.  Men have to be taught and reminded to tell their wives that they love her because, in his mind, he is “telling” her that he loves her all the time by what he does.  This fact is critical for a wife to understand.

His Wife

A man wants his wife.  He wants a genuine and intimate relationship with the woman that he calls his wife.  However, what “wife” means to a man is something that a woman should discover before the wedding day.  In any case, he is going to pursue his wife based on what he defines as a wife.

To Submit For His Wife

You may have noticed that what the husband ultimately wants is to be his wife’s hero, her everything.  He wants to be her provider, lover, protector, etc.  This is quite interesting to me, because it implies that he submits to his wife for her sake and he also expects his wife to submit to him by allowing him to be her hero.  The Bible teaches us that the wife should submit to her own husband (Ephesians 5:22-24). You will see that true submission in marriage is mutual.

Submission is not defined as the wife allowing her husband to rule her and that she has to blindly obey him.  The concept of the husband ruling over the wife actually comes from the original sin and subsequent fall (See Genesis 3:16).  Submission means that the wife allows her husband to love her, protect her, care for her, have children with her, be affectionate with her, please her, and be her friend, etc.  Submission means that the woman allows her husband to be her hero, and therefore covered by him.


A man wants to love his wife and he wants his wife to love him.  A man wants to be his wife’s hero and for her to allow him to be that.  A husband subconsciously wants his wife to submit to him so that he can be all to her. Here is what is really intriguing to me.  A man wanting to do all those things for his wife, means that he has submitted himself to her, and at the same time he wants his wife to submit to him by allowing him to love her, protect her, care for her, etc.

First the man must commit to his wife and she to him, which is purportedly done on the wedding day.  The good husband then proceeds to be his wife’s hero by submitting his life to her by protecting her, loving her, caring for her, etc., i.e., carrying out his marriage vows.  The wife can either reject his submission by not submitting to him, or accept it by submitting herself to him, and thus allowing him to care for her, etc.  Problems occur when one doesn’t submit to the other.

Therefore, what a man wants can be summed up as follows.  A man wants to submit to his wife by being her hero (her lover, provider, friend, etc.), and he wants his wife to submit to him by allowing him to be her hero. This is a mutual submission in the marriage and is truly incredible.  Now, this doesn’t mean that the wife has nothing to bring to the table so to speak.  There are things that he expects from his wife, the same way she expects things from her husband.  The point here is that the husband wants to serve his wife by being her hero and for her to allow him to be that for her.

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