There are many articles online about what a man wants from his wife in marriage. However, many of them were written by women, and some were inaccurate when compared to a man’s perspective. I believe that a woman can educate herself, research (e.g., surveying men), and learn what a man wants from his wife. However, only a man can say definitively what he wants and what is important to him.

Of course, all men are not the same. However, in general, we all tend to think the same way and want the same things in principle. Therefore, I believe it is necessary that you learn what a man wants from his wife from a man’s perspective.


Men want, or perhaps I should say need to be respected. It is in our genetic makeup or something. Respect makes a man feel as though he has something to offer to his wife, family, and society.

A wife who disrespects her husband is asking for trouble. She can quickly stir up his ire with consistent disrespect. His anger may not be at what she did in a specific situation but because she disrespected him. That means that wives should be mindful of their husband’s reaction to things she does.

Wives should always respect their husbands. She should not backtalk sarcastically or condescendingly when he says something to her or does something. She should express her opinions, objections, and thoughts with respect.

A wife should respect her husband’s opinions, criticisms, and advice. That goes a long way toward strengthening the relationship, his disposition towards her, and how he feels and thinks about her.


Men want to be loved by their wives. However, you should ask yourself what does that mean? What is love to a man? There is an excellent book on this topic titled “Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User’s Guide for Women” by David Zinczenko and Ted Spiker. I highly recommend that women read that book to get a better idea of the psyche of men on the topic of love from a man’s perspective. It is not the same as a woman’s.

There are two aspects or types of love in a marriage: Romantic love (affection, infatuation) and commitment. Men want both! We want commitment and affection from our wives

Men want to know that their wives love them affectionately and intimately. The number one way that is expressed is through sex and sensuality from his wife.

Let me make this point very clear. Holding hands, kissing, hugging, and other similar things women say men want are wrong! Those tend to be things that women relate to when it comes to love in the relationship. For the most part, men want to bond with their wives through sex.

For a man, sex is the number one way his wife can tell him she loves, cherishes, and desires him. It is the primary way he emotionally connects with her. Merely holding hands, hugging, and kissing are things he does for her benefit because he knows women typically want those things.

That is not to say that he doesn’t want to be kissed or hugged by his wife. He receives love from his wife that way when he knows it is her love language. However, he is wired to receive affection and an emotional connection with his wife through sex.

Sex does not equal love. However, it is the primary way a man receives love from his wife.

Of course, he wants his wife to be committed to him. He wants to know that she is by his side and will be with him in good times and bad. His wife’s commitment is demonstrated by the things she does for and with him.

An Emotional Connection Through Sex

I mentioned that men want to connect to their wives emotionally through sex, which is how he is wired. Sex is, therefore, more than satisfying his libido. I found that many women don’t understand this point. For a man, it is not always merely about the sex but what the sex provides.

One of the things he wants to do is connect with his wife. Sex is how he does it. I can’t express that point enough because many women seem to think it is only about sex and satisfying their libido. For his wife, it is much more than that.

He needs to emotionally connect with his wife the same way the wife needs an emotional connection with her husband. That emotional connection comes through sex. Men feel closest to their wives during sex. A woman might want to bond with her husband by holding hands, talking, or hugging in the same way a man wants to connect with his wife through sex.

Let me say here that I am not suggesting that women don’t want sex. Women want sex, but what sex means to them is much different than what it means to them.

Men want their wives to initiate sex sometimes. It becomes suspect when a man realizes he is the only one who initiates or tries to initiate sex. He might start thinking that his wife is only accommodating him and doesn’t genuinely want to have sex with him. That thought will take his mind to other dark places about his marriage over time.

Remember that sex is how a man emotionally connects with his wife. Therefore, if he begins to suspect that she is only accommodating him and doesn’t truly want to have sex with him, then the emotional connection he would generally get through sex will be absent.

The point is that sex is critical for a man to connect emotionally with his wife. He expects and wants that connection.

Someone Who is Not Lazy

Men do not want a wife to lie around doing nothing. That woman would be a freeloader who contributes very little to the household and marriage. A man wants a working woman!

Now, by working, I am not saying that we want our wives to have a 9-to-5 job, for example. We want wives that will work whether for an employer on a job, a housewife at home, or her business. If you are a housewife, keep the house clean and neat and gain more respect and adoration from your husband each day he comes home.

Men adore their wives who work hard and are not lazy.


Men want to be partners with their wives. Why get married if you don’t want a partner? That partnership will look different for each couple. The point is that they are together in whatever they have decided to do. That includes working arrangements, household duties, budgeting, planning, etc.

We want to know that our wives are with us and truly by our sides during good times and bad times. The worst thing that could happen to a marriage is when the wife abandons her husband because of an unforeseen event, e.g., he gets laid off from work. That will break trust and communicate to him that he is not truly loved.

I believe very strongly in togetherness in a marriage. It is essential that a couple be united, knowing that they can depend on each other in any situation. That implies a growing level of trust and provides a healthy environment for love to grow.


A husband and wife can quickly become coworkers instead of partners. It’s like the difference between business partners and coworkers in the company. A husband and wife who do their separate duties keeping the household running are coworkers. For example, the bills are paid, money is earned, the children are cared for, the house is maintained, the grass is cut, etc. However, they do not work together to plan, talk about the future, or help one another in the things they do.

Becoming coworkers should be avoided in marriage. An emotional connection is essential for a healthy marriage for most. Merely being functional does not lend itself to a couple who are intimately joined.


Men want to be understood by their wives. We want our wives to get us. Unfortunately, I think that most men know more about women than women know about men. Our society teaches men to remember a woman’s birthday and anniversaries, give her flowers, hold the door for her, etc.

What are women taught or know about men? They tend to think that men are simple beings who want to eat and have sex. Men are far more complicated than that because we, like women, are human beings. Women tend not to understand that and that thinking can damage a marriage.

Wives should get to know their husbands intimately. They should also get to know the basic male psyche as we learn about women. Wives. Try to understand how men genuinely think and see the world; you’ll go a long way in understanding your husband.

Wives who understand their husbands can relate to them better. She’ll better understand why he does certain things and why he reacts to others.

Understanding is more than statistical knowledge. Anyone who spends a lot of time with someone will learn their favorite colors, foods, pain points, likes, dislikes, etc. However, someone who truly understands him will know him at a deeper level.

For example, a wife who understands her husband can speak his love language. She will know that he receives love through physical touch or acts of service. She can then speak that language to him, causing him to freely receive her love. Likewise, he would also understand his wife and speak her love language.

Shows an Interest in What He Does

A man wants his wife to recognize his work and what he does. That doesn’t mean she needs to be involved with what he does, though sometimes that can be great. However, like any other human being, he wants to feel that what he does matters, and getting that from his wife is priceless.

In the same way, a woman may want to talk to her husband about her day, how she feels, etc., we want our wives to show an interest in and talk about what we do. I’m a systems administrator, and I develop web applications. I would enjoy explaining things about computers, networks, web development, and technology to my wife. It is just another way for us to bond intellectually.

Showing interest in what your husband does helps his self-esteem because he feels what he does is interesting. Of course, others may show an interest in what he does, but it is good when it comes from his wife. I’ll add that the wife should not be overbearing about showing interest to avoid nagging him.


Friendship is a different kind of relationship than marriage. However, men want their wives to be their friends. They may not be like one of his buddies he can joke around with, play football with, or the like.

An essential characteristic of a true friend is they are with you in good times and bad times. They are always by your side. A husband wants that kind of friendship from his wife.

Believe it or not, men have emotional needs too. After all, we are human. We get frazzled and afraid sometimes. I remember getting laid off from my job many years ago and how scared I was about what would happen if I didn’t get employment quickly. I thought about losing the house, not having enough money to meet basic needs, and more.

Like a friend, a man wants his wife to encourage and be there for him.


Most people want to be appreciated. We don’t want others to take us for granted. The same is true of men. We want our wives to appreciate us and not take us for granted.

Appreciation can be expressed in different ways. The wife may tell her husband she appreciates what he does, especially when referring to something specific. Remember his love language when expressing your appreciation for your husband. She may make a special dinner or treat for him. My point is men want their wives to appreciate them.


Men want their wives to be an active part of their lives. Men want their wives to engage. Wives should respond to concerns he may bring up. Participate in accomplishing his goals for the family, the relationship, and himself. Put Instagram or Facebook down and talk to your husband instead.

It is a terrible thing for a husband to watch his wife engage with their children or her job, leaving him to fend for himself. He begins to resent his wife when it appears she would rather be a part of other things than him.

Wives should be joined to their husbands and engage them. Be a part of his life in an intimate manner and not just functional.

A Family

Most men want his name to continue after he is gone. He wants children so that he will be remembered. However, many men are told or experience firsthand that when children come, their standing diminishes. They become second-class citizens in the eyes of their wives. In other words, they become less of a priority to their wives and others. Most men are familiar with that phenomenon.

Therefore, wives should ensure that they do not place their children above their husbands. Instead, the two should work together to raise and provide for their children and maintain and grow the relationship.

If a woman gives a higher priority to the children, then the husband may begin to resent them and her. A man wants a family but not at the expense of his relationship with his wife.

Look Attractive

Men are highly visual, which means we are stimulated by what we see. Therefore, men want their wives to look good, i.e., attractive. They want to be stimulated visually by their wives.

By attractive, I don’t necessarily mean how pretty his wife is or her physical appearance (e.g., how pretty she is, how big her butt is, etc.). I am referring to the presentation. Be presentable around your husband as you do for others. Don’t walk around the house in ragged, dirty clothes (unless you are doing “dirty” work like painting). A man should like what he sees when he looks at his wife.

Both men and women are guilty of letting themselves go after the wedding day. They become complacent in the daily grind and neglect to take care of themselves. However, taking care of yourself is a choice. You choose what clothes you wear, how you fix your hair, what you eat, etc.

There are many attractive women in the world, but your husband should continue to be attracted to you. That doesn’t mean that wives should strive to be supermodels because many men don’t find the supermodel look attractive—some men like large women, others like small women, etc. Wives should consider how they looked when they first attracted their husbands, keeping in mind that what attracted them may have been more than mere physical appearance.

The point is for wives to remain attractive to their husbands because he wants that. It’s about presentation and not mere looks, e.g., how pretty she is or her body type. It is about what is attractive to him, which probably hooked him in the beginning.

A man would rather not be with a woman he is not attracted to. It’s difficult for a man to be romantically involved with his wife when he is not attracted to her.


I have presented several things that a man wants from his wife. These are directly from a man’s perspective. I have seen many articles where women try to express what men want. In most cases, they were wrong because a man’s perspective differs from a woman’s.

Wives can use these points to better relate to their husbands and improve their relationship.

Free Ebook: What Happens to Love In Marriage

Get your free copy of "What Happens to Love in Marriage?" Learn the path that love takes in a marriage and how you can nurture it to produce the loving, happy, and fulfilling marriage that you desire to have.

What Happens to Love in Marriage Opt-in