Many men and women are in marriages that they hate, which in turn causes some of them to hate their own lives. What should a person do when they hate their marriage and their life? What happens when a bad marriage has gotten to the point where one or both have no hope for a happy and fulfilling marriage or life? In this article, I hope to enlighten you on something that you can do if you are in a bad marriage and have lost hope for it and yourself.
The Effects of a Bad Marriage
Each day, month, and year you try to make your marriage better, but it continues to get worse. You may even have tried therapy, consultation with a religious leader, or educating yourself to help make things better between you and your spouse. However, all of your efforts do not seem to help and things continue to get worse.
A bad marriage causes stress. The thought of coming home to your spouse nags at you and you wish that you could go someplace else or be with someone else. Maybe an affair would make you feel better until you realize that an affair will most assuredly make things worse. You may think that divorce may relieve the stress, but that may bring on a different set of problems.
As the years go by resentment germinates and grows. One or both may start resenting the other for getting them into their bad situation. For example, the husband may blame the wife for the bad marriage and resent her for marrying him. Intimacy will gradually decline and the two will hardly look at each other or touch each other. Of course, sex will be a thing of the past with no desire for it now and in the future (at least with their spouse).
A bad marriage is very bad for a person emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and for their health and wellbeing. This contributes to a person possibly thinking less of themselves over time because of their bad marriage.
What Can You Do?
What if you were not defined by your marriage? What if your happiness and fulfillment in life were not dependent on your marriage? What if your spouse was not the source of your joy and happiness? At the very least, if those were true then you would be able to endure a bad marriage to continue to try to make it better, or at the very least create happiness and fulfillment in your own life.
Of course you might say that divorce or separation could end the pain, but those would produce their own set of issues and complications. Some even have affairs thinking that they will get what their spouses aren’t providing from someone else. However, that creates its own level of stress and could exacerbate a bad marriage if you’re caught.
There is yet another option that I would like to present to you, which is to stay committed to your marriage and to pursue happiness and fulfillment apart from it. Stop hoping that a bad marriage will bring you happiness and work on yourself to make you happy.
Build your relationship with God and pursue him earnestly. Read your Bible and absorb the principles it reveals to you—practice them. Pray for wisdom for your marriage and don’t be afraid to swallow your ego and do what is right for the relationship.
What I’m suggesting here is to neither give up on yourself nor your marriage. Invest in you for your own sake and the sake of your marriage. What do you like to do? What hobbies would you enjoy? Where are some places you would like to go even if alone?
Start pursuing the things that you enjoy. Make your life happy yourself and stop expecting a bad marriage to do it. Take control of your life.
Be a Good Spouse Anyway
Of course, if you have a bad marriage then you are most likely to at least partially blame your spouse for it. After all, surely you are not making yourself unhappy and you are the perfect husband or wife, so it has to be the spouse. That may not be entirely true. You may have had a part to play in the condition of your marriage.
In any case, do not neglect your spouse while you are working on yourself. Be there for him or her and do your best to meet their needs. Manage your actions and avoid doing things that will make the relationship worse. Pray and rely on God to help you through the process. Let your actions transcend your emotions and, therefore, do what is good for the relationship regardless of how you feel about your spouse or the marriage.
Bad marriages are not good for us. However, many couples experience a bad marriage to the extent that it spills over and some start hating their own lives. They have allowed their marriage to define their happiness. Don’t do that.
The objective here is to make a happier, more fulfilled, and better you. Hopefully, a more positive you with a changed disposition would do well for your marriage. It starts with you, which is why blaming your spouse is so counterproductive.
A marriage won’t get better if you don’t get better. It starts with you, not your spouse. Be happy and fulfilled by pursuing those for yourself. Stay committed to the marriage and don’t allow it to pull you down. Be there for your spouse and at the same time be there for yourself.
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