There will be negative consequences in a marriage where the husband is constantly rejected by his wife, whether she is doing it on purpose or not. Rejection hurts, but it is much worse in a relationship where they promised to love each other and to be joined to each other. However, many men find themselves in a marriage where they are constantly rejected by their wives.
Some men suffer silently in what they believe is a bad marriage because of being rejected so much. They suffer quietly sometimes to keep the peace, to avoid hurting their wives, or perhaps to avoid arguments. Unfortunately, dealing with rejection from his wife does not produce good fruit in the long run. Several bad things can happen in the relationship due to rejection.
Rejection can take many forms in marriage, such as sexual and emotional rejection, disrespect, and more, as we will soon see. It is also important to note that rejection in the context of this article is from the husband’s perspective, not the wife’s, which is why communication is vital to a healthy marriage.
This article presents the consequences of wives knowingly or unknowingly rejecting their husbands. I will present some of the ways that wives might reject their husbands and what husbands and wives can do about it.
Ways a Wife Rejects Her Husband
There are many ways that a wife may reject her husband and sometimes not be aware that she is doing it. This is one reason that communication between husband and wife is extremely important. Let me describe some of the ways that a wife may reject her husband.
She Doesn’t Respect Him
One of the most important things a man wants from his wife is respect. Constantly rejecting him by disrespecting him will lead to him feeling that his wife does not value him, his knowledge, experience, wisdom, etc. Some men may react violently to being disrespected by their wives.
A disrespected husband will most likely begin to pull away from his wife causing a rift to form between them. This will hurt their children, household, work, and so much more. It’s a bad thing for a man to have to go home from work or business knowing he is going to a woman that does not respect him.
Lots of bad things can happen in the marriage if the husband feels disrespected and of no value to his wife. He may seek that attention from others, perhaps even another woman. He may also express his frustration through physical or emotional abuse of his wife. He may stop caring about his wife or anything tied to the marriage because it is giving him so much pain.
She refuses to have sex with him
Sex in marriage is critical to a man. Through it, he connects emotionally with his wife and he expresses and receives love. To refuse to have sex with her husband is the same as refusing him. She might many reasons for not having sex with her husband, and some of them might be valid reasons. However, without proper and honest communication, the husband will surely see her refusal to have sex as an act of rejection.
She Prioritizes the Children Above Her Husband
She engages with the children but leaves her husband to fend for himself. To the husband, this reveals the priority that she gives to him and their marriage.
She doesn’t initiate sex
Men want their wives to initiate sex sometimes. When the wife initiates sex, then that says to him that she desires him. If she doesn’t initiate sex sometimes, then he might feel that she is not interested in sex, and therefore not interested in him. Even if they do have sex, he might reason that she is only going through the motions to accommodate him.
She doesn’t initiate intimate conversations
Intimate conversation is a way that a husband and wife can bond with each other. If the wife does not initiate intimate conversations with her husband, then he is likely to believe that she is uninterested in him as a person or what he has to offer to the relationship and household. This is exacerbated if she spends time talking regularly with other people like her friends or family.
She does not engage her husband
Sometimes men “feel the waters” to see if it is safe to discuss something with their wives. If she seems interested in what he has to say, then he might continue to open up to her. If she does not engage, then he may not pursue the conversation and assume that she is not interested. If this happens consistently, then he will likely feel that she isn’t interested in him.
She does not make time for her husband
If a man’s wife can find time for so many other things but does not find time for her him, then he will begin to think that she doesn’t care about him or the marriage. Her objective for marriage was to have children in a way to satisfy her morals, to have a man around, etc. He will perceive that he is only functional to her, and not intimate.
Engaging in social media more than her husband
People tend to be busy with many things like their jobs, household responsibilities, children, etc. That means that each minute of each day is extremely valuable. If a wife does not engage her husband when he comes to her but instead consistently continues with social media or television, then he will think that those things are more important than him.
Not Purposely Working on the Marriage
Men may feel taken for granted and rejected if they work on the marriage but their wives do not. He may consume content about marriage thinking that such information would help him create a happy marriage only to find that his wife doesn’t share the same passion for nurturing the marriage.
If she doesn’t care to specifically work on their relationship, then that means she doesn’t care about him or their relationship. He may begin to feel as if she only married him for the resources he has to offer, e.g., lifting heavy objects, lawn care, home repairs, security, etc. He may reason that the only interest that she has in him is functional, not intimate.
This is exacerbated if he finds that his wife is dedicated to other endeavors such as her job, education, learning about things about raising children, religious activities, and more. The husband will have a difficult time reconciling her dedication and effort put in other things besides their marriage.
She Doesn’t Listen To Her Husband
One of the most frustrating things some husbands cope with are wives who do not listen to them. Men tend to be problem solvers and protectors. We do and say things for the benefit of our family. When a man determines that something is not safe or could be done more efficiently and expresses these to his wife, he expects her to at least listen to him and take what he says seriously. However, if his wife overlooks what he says or even becomes argumentative, then that is an act of rejection.
This is not to say that the wife should agree with everything her husband says. I am only suggesting that wives should take what their husbands say seriously. If she doesn’t agree, then respectfully present your point of view. After all, no two people see situations the same way.
Disregarding what her husband says to her is also an act of disrespect, which is critical to a man.
She Doesn’t Bond With Her Husband
Married couples should do things together, which is a great way to bond. For example, a couple could exercise together, garden together, cook together, clean together, do projects together, and much more. However, when a man finds that his wife does nothing with him, then he might consider that a form of rejection. In other words, he’ll believe that she is not interested in him and his interests.
I am not suggesting that the wife should do those things that she doesn’t like, but she should at least be willing to try new things with her husband. It is amazing how much you can bond with someone when you are working together for the same goal. However, a wife should look to accompany her husband in something that he does.
We have covered some ways that a wife may reject her husband whether she realizes it or not. Some suggest that this places the blame of a bad marriage or the husband’s feelings on the wife. However, it is counterproductive to play the blame game.
What if the wife is rejecting her husband because he treats her badly? What if a woman constantly rejects her husband because she is responding to his bad behavior towards her? What this means is that even though the man feels rejected by his wife, he should not automatically feel as though he is the victim. Her rejection of him might be a direct result of his behavior towards her.
With that said, whether the wife is responding to her husband’s behavior or not, it does not preclude the fact that there are negative consequences when a man is constantly rejected by his wife. Not understanding this can result in a stressed marriage becoming much worse. This is why couples need to communicate with each other.
We should consider the wife’s perspective as to why she might be rejecting her husband. She might appear to be rejecting her husband, especially sexually, when in fact there might be other things going on with her. Here are some things husbands should consider.
She is Protecting Herself
What if a man’s wife had bad experiences with men that causes her to be on the defensive regarding men. She may not realize she is doing it because she has developed that protective behavior long ago. Her protective practices have become a part of her and she might not consider it to be something that needs to be brought up while dating or even while discussing marriage.
This is surely not something that she can merely flip a switch and open up to her husband emotionally and sexually. It might take a long time for her to recondition her thinking about men and open up to her husband, assuming he becomes worthy of that trust. However, in the meantime, her husband might think she is rejecting him if he is unaware of her past traumas involving men.
She Has No Interest In Sex
The wife may have little to no interest in sex for many reasons, one of which was described above. She may be asexual, experience pain with sex, have been raped, or is psychologically averse to sex. Whatever the reason, she might not be rejecting her husband sexually. She simply might not be interested in sex.
Again, open and honest conversations are important before and after the wedding day. It is quite normal for a man and a woman to expect sex once they are married. Therefore, if the wife avoids having sex with her husband, then he will think that she is rejecting him, which can lead to all kinds of problems in the relationship.
She Was Taught Sex is Bad
A woman may sexually reject her husband because she was taught that sex is a bad thing. I’ve even heard teachings in churches claiming that sex was the original sin between Adam and Eve. Therefore, if the wife believes that sex is bad from a religious perspective, then she might avoid it, except for trying to have children.
Again. If the husband is not aware of her disposition towards sex then he might take her rejection personally. Therefore, men should be aware that sexual avoidance by their wives does not necessarily mean that she is rejecting him, but that there may be other factors involved.
The Consequences of Rejection
How does consistent rejection over many years, even decades, affect the husband? Men suffer when their wives constantly reject them, especially sexually. Men have feelings, emotional needs, and fundamental expectations of their wives. Men do not expect to be pushed away after the wedding day. Men entered into the relationship and committed to it so that they and their wives would trek through life and do great things together.
Of course, with any human, you tend to avoid those things that hurt you, including a man’s wife. This means that there are consequences to the marriage if the wife consistently rejects her husband.
Let me now present to you some of the consequences of wives constantly rejecting their husbands.
Loss of Love and Affection
The romantic love that men have for their wives will begin to wane if they are constantly rejected by their wives. Men will internalize their wives’ rejection and assume their wives do not love them. Though rejection can take many forms, the most prevalent of them is sexual. A man feels severely rejected by his wife when she refuses to have sex with him.
Sex is not merely a physical drive that men have, but rather a method by which love is given and received. He feels loved and accepted by his wife if she has sex with him. He feels emotionally connected to his wife when they have sex.
Without sex, men begin to feel alienated from their wives. The intimate bond between husband and wife begin to fade. Men begin to lose interest in their wives, not want to be with them, and even in many respects, see their wives as a mere responsibility or even a burden.
As the intimacy between the couple diminishes, they become roommates or like coworkers. Husbands want an intimate relationship with their wives not merely a roommate-type relationship. He wants to know that he is loved, desired, and appreciated. Being rejected by his wife consistently does not provide those things for him and he will naturally lose love and affection for his wife.
Loss of Friendship
Friends share some of their life experiences. They confide in each other. They help each other. A true friend is priceless. A husband wants his wife to be his friend, a person he can safely open his heart to. However, if he is consistently rejected, then any level of friendship erodes. Friends are honest with each other but they do not reject each other.
A husband may begin to feel that there is something wrong with him and become depressed about the state of his relationship with his wife because she consistently rejects him. He might think that perhaps he is a failure, can’t please his wife, there is something wrong with him romantically or sexually and his wife simply responds by rejecting him. This results in him pulling away from his wife, the perceived source of his depression.
Men depressed about their marriage might start to do things they otherwise would not do to feel better about themselves. They might start drinking, taking drugs, engaging in pornography, hanging out, or worse of all, seek the companionship and affection of another woman.
Frustration and Anger
Husbands have a need to be accepted, desired, loved, respected, and appreciated among other things. If he doesn’t get those from his wife and begins to feel bad about himself or his marriage, then he may become frustrated and angry at his wife and marriage in general, especially if he has been trying to make things right with little to no response from his wife.
The husband’s frustration can lead him down a bad path of resentment. He might do almost anything to get out of his frustration, which could get him to slowly pull away from his wife and family and even into the arms of another woman.
Being constantly rejected by one’s wife does not feel good and we typically want to avoid those things that make us feel bad. However, most men don’t believe that merely walking away from their marriage is the proper thing to do. Therefore, he remains in a painful marriage that becomes increasingly stressful for him.
That stress could spawn other problems in his mind and body. Stress is believed to be the underlying cause of many ailments in the body. Some symptoms of stress are low energy, headaches, muscle pains, chest pain, rapid heartbeat, insomnia, frequent colds or infections, and the loss of sexual desire or ability (from WebMD). Prolonged stress can lead to depression, weakened immune system, high blood sugar, increased risk of heart attack, and more (from a healthline.com article).
Indifference and Resentment
Indifference and resentment could easily grow if a man continues to feel rejected by his wife. He might become increasingly apathetic about his marriage and he’ll resent his wife for making him feel so bad. He might start thinking that his life could have been much happier if he had married someone else or not gotten married at all. A man who becomes indifferent towards his wife and marriage will slowly become emotionally detached from both.
Resentment is the silent killer of any relationship. Resentment means that someone has been offended and that offense remains. It is said that forgiveness is the cure for resentment. However, it becomes tiring if forgiveness is constant in the relationship for the same offense, namely rejection. It is difficult to feel good about your marriage or wife if she constantly rejects you.
Loss of Commitment
If a wife rejects her husband consistently for years or decades, then he might eventually lose his commitment to the marriage. He slowly gives up on his marriage. This could open the doors to a plethora of further damaging things for the marriage.
A loss of commitment means that he might stop trying to make things better. He might stop trying to build a loving relationship with his wife. He might resolve that things will always be bad and simply live in his misery. Conversely, he may abandon his marriage and seek happiness elsewhere, even with another woman.
A marriage may go 10, 20, or 30 years before the husband “cracks” and gives up because he is rejected by his wife so much. In some cases, he might even reason that finding another woman to meet his needs will help him undo the negative effects of being rejected by his wife for so long or simply make him feel better.
The thrill of having another woman who seems to care about him, respect him, and make him feel desired can be problematic to his marriage. He’ll find reasons to be away from his wife to be with another woman. His behavior will start to change at home. He may suddenly seem to be happier, but deep inside he regrets having to come home to be with the big disappointment and pain in his life—his wife.
If a man is constantly rejected by his wife and he loses hope in establishing a fulfilling and happy marriage, then he may pursue one of two types of divorce to rid himself of the pain. He becomes increasingly alienated from his wife until there is no emotional connection. There may come a time when he gives up and wants to get away from such an unhappy, unfulfilling, and painful marriage. He reasons that divorce is the solution.
Divorce means to terminate or dissolve a marriage legally. The result of a divorce is the separation of husband and wife so that they no longer form a union in marriage. The two go on to live relatively separate lives with children, if any, being the only connection after the divorce.
However, some men do not legally divorce their wives but are just as emotionally separated from them. Some men will stick around even in an unfulfilling and unhappy marriage because they don’t believe in divorce, mostly for religious reasons. In this case, the couple may continue to live together but live separate lives. They do not connect emotionally, sex is non-existent, and intimacy has long gone. They aren’t legally divorced, but they are separated nonetheless.
The solution to the problem of men being rejected by their wives is simple. Wives. Do not constantly reject your husband. Don’t withhold sex from him, do not disrespect him or minimize his ideas, goals, and plans. Be with him instead of against him. Do not prioritize other things over your relationship with your husband.
Nurture the Marriage
Husbands and wives should nurture their relationship. Have regular intimate conversations about the relationship and each other. Have regular date nights, regular sex, regular fun, regular Bible study and prayer, and much more. A married couple should be together, and rejection is a major opponent of that.
I cannot stress enough the importance of intimate and honest conversations in marriage. I mentioned earlier in this article that sometimes the wife is not purposely rejecting her husband. Sometimes, what the husband perceives as rejection is merely her response to his behavior towards her. Sometimes, she might not realize that she is rejecting her husband. Perhaps her relationship values or paradigms are different than his and she doesn’t see any issues.
Intimate communications will help to uncover the reasons certain things happen between the couple. It promotes an environment of understanding so that issues can be resolved quickly.
Determine What is Truly Happening
Husbands. Determine why your wife is rejecting you, if she truly is. Don’t assume that your wife is rejecting you for ulterior motives. She may not know that she is rejecting you, so you have must speak up—respectfully, of course. Talk to your wife and tell her how you are interpreting her actions. Let her know how you feel about what she is doing.
Work together to uncover the underlying issues in the relationship so that you can more readily resolve them.
Don’t Blame Your Wife
Husbands. Do not blame your wife for the unhappiness of your marriage. It is not your wife’s responsibility to single-handedly establish a happy marriage. Besides, what she may consider a happy marriage might be different from what you call a happy marriage.
You might become frustrated, angry, and resentful about your wife’s consistent rejection when in fact, she might not be rejecting you at all. Blaming her for your unhappiness will only introduce more strife in the relationship and keep you from resolving the true issue.
Husbands Should Improve Themselves
Furthermore, husbands should work to improve themselves. Perhaps the rejection is because of something you have been doing. Do you practice good hygiene and good grooming? Are you oppressing your wife or otherwise making her feel bad? These are things that you should consider and not simply blame your wife. Your wife is human and she has feelings. You need to make sure that she is not responding to something you are doing. If so, then it is much easier to improve yourself than to try to change your wife.
Husbands Should Evaluate Their Behavior
It is also very important that husbands be honest and open with their wives. He might find that his wife is responding to his behavior. She might be misinterpreting something or looking for something from him that he does not provide. It is possible that the wife felt rejected first and her seemingly rejection of her husband is merely a response to her feeling rejected.
Talking to each other honestly and respectfully will help expose these types of things so that resolution could happen. Many relationships are destroyed because of misunderstandings coupled with the lack of pursuing a solution. Therefore, husbands should evaluate their behavior and work with their wives to improve their relationship.
Seek God’s Wisdom
The husband and wife should seek God’s wisdom concerning any issue in the marriage. This is very important because it will help both husbands and wives to see things that their pain may blind them to. Always have God involved in your marriage if you want it to succeed. Pray together and for each other as you pursue truly being together. You might even try reading and discussing Scripture together. The things that bring you together are good for your marriage.
Work on the Marriage
Both husbands and wives should work together to consistently improve their marriage. Marriage is work like any other goals that people have. If you want a happy marriage, then you have to work to obtain it—both husband and wife. Anything that is neglected will probably not flourish. If you want a well-groomed and healthy lawn, then work is required. If you want a fulfilling, happy, and healthy marriage, then work is also required.
Many men feel as though their wives are rejecting them and it hurts them. They try to do what is right for the sake of the marriage, but things don’t improve. Their unhappiness might last for decades. Some men may in turn reject their wives and emotionally abandon the marriage. Still, others might seek a divorce.
There are many ways that a wife might reject her husband even if she doesn’t realize it. The consequences of such rejections can become devastating to a marriage. It could even lead to infidelity.
Men and women should work together to create a fulfilling and happy marriage. This means intimate conversations, being emotionally intimate with each other, having sex or lovemaking “regularly,” educating themselves about marriage, and getting to know each other intimately. Doing those things will help consistent rejection to be eliminated and help the couple obtain a happy and fulfilling marriage.
Read the converse article:
The Consequences of Husbands Rejecting Their Wives
Read the follow-up article:
My Wife Constantly Rejects Me.
Free Ebook: What Happens to Love In Marriage
Get your free copy of "What Happens to Love in Marriage?" Learn the path that love takes in a marriage and how you can nurture it to produce the loving, happy, and fulfilling marriage that you desire to have.