Wives. Do you know what happens to your husband when he is constantly rejected by you? I am convinced that if you knew what happens to your husband and subsequently to your marriage relationship when you constantly reject him, then you would ensure that you do not reject your husband as a matter of course, i.e., it wouldn’t be normal in the relationship. I would like to share with you, wives, what happens to your husband when you constantly reject him and how that eventually will affect your relationship with him.
Loss of Love and Affection
When you refuse or neglect to have sex with your husband regularly, then the husband will begin to internalize it and assume that you do not love him. To a man, sex and love from his wife go hand in hand. Sex is more than a physical act, but rather a joining of husband and wife in a most intimate manner. A man who regularly has sex with his wife (especially when she initiates it) receives that as an expression of her love and desire for him. If sex is lacking, then the husband will soon start pulling away from his wife.
He pulls away from you because he starts to realize (assume) that you do not love him, you do not desire him, and he isn’t worth you being intimate with him. A wife who refuses to have sex with her husband is rejecting her husband and he will interpret it like that. To him, intimacy will become non-existence even though you, the wife, may cuddle, kiss him, tell him you love him, and all the other things that you think is intimate. I heard it said once with regards to husbands and sex, “No sex. No love.”
Eventually his love for you will wane. If a sexless marriage persists, then a loveless marriage will camp out in the relationship so to speak. He will begin to lose interest in you, not want to be with you, and even in many respects, see you as a burden. Since the intimacy is gone, then you and your husband become roommates, which is akin to a girl telling a guy, “I just want to be friends.” A husband wants a wife, not a roommate. He wants to have intimate relations with his wife, i.e., via sex. He wants to know that he is loved, desired, and appreciated. Without sex, all of those things fall apart, and so does the marriage.
Loss of Friendship
Friends hang out together. A husband wants his wife to be his friend, a safe person to open his heart to. If he is rejected, then that bond erodes. A husband wants his wife to find interest in some of the things that he is interested in. He wants for his wife to hang out with him. For example, a husband would be touched in a big way if his wife accompanies him while he is exercising at home, even if she just sits and watches him. If a wife shows no interest in being with her husband in casual situations, then he is going to feel unwanted and uninteresting to his wife. This will translate into him pulling away because, in his mind, she isn’t with him anyway.
Of course, this will manifest into the husband not hanging out with the wife eventually. He may continue to hang out with his wife at times to keep the peace or in hopes of her reciprocating. However, if she has nothing much to do with him, then he will begin to pull away from casually hanging out with his wife. Doing things that she wants to do or going places with her that she likes will become a burden and a chore instead of an opportunity to be together.
Loss of Respect
Wives. Respect for your husband is extremely important to him. If you reject him, then you are also disrespecting him. When you disrespect your husband, you are in essence telling him that you do not value him, his knowledge, experience, wisdom, etc. You are relaying the dangerous message that his views, thoughts, efforts, and more are unimportant to you. This not only affects his ego, but it also affects his perception of his value to you and the relationship.
If a husband feels unvalued by his wife, then that will manifest in the marriage as mutual disrespect. Lots of bad things can happen in the marriage if the husband feels disrespected and of no value to his wife. He may seek that attention from others, perhaps even another woman.
A husband may seek acceptance from outside of the marriage if his wife continues to reject him. This is when very bad things can happen in the marriage, especially if the “elsewhere” is another woman. A husband may begin to feel something is wrong with him when his wife consistently rejects him. However, his spirits can be lifted if another woman finds him desirable and accepts him. We all want to be accepted, loved, and desired. When a husband does not receive those from his wife, then quite possibly, another woman may provide that for him, and he may justify his being with the other woman as a means of saving his troubled marriage.
Being accepted elsewhere may also come as acceptance on his job, church, or other gathering where people give him a sense of value as a person. Being accepted outside of his marriage will cause the husband to pull away from his wife and move towards the source of acceptance. Therefore, it is very important that wives do not persist in rejecting their husbands.
A husband may begin to feel depressed because the rejection from his wife is interpreted as something being wrong with him. He may think that perhaps he is a failure, can’t please his wife, there is something wrong with him romantically or sexually and his wife simply responds by rejection. This results in him pulling away from his wife, the perceived source of his depression.
Frustration and Anger
Husbands have needs just like the wife has needs. Husbands have a need to be accepted, desired, loved, respected, and appreciated among other things. If he doesn’t get those from his wife and begins to feel bad about himself, his marriage, and perhaps even his life, then he may become frustrated and angry at his wife and marriage in general, especially if he has been trying to make things right with little to no response from his wife. Anger in this regard is a secondary emotion. He isn’t angry about being rejected, but rather, he is angry about the way his wife makes him feel by the rejection.
Indifference and Resentment
A man will become indifferent about his marriage and resentful towards his wife. He may start thinking that his life would have been much better (happier) if he had married someone else or not gotten married at all, especially to his rejecting wife. He will continue to pull away from his wife and the marriage by not trying to reconcile any longer. He may accept the condition of his marriage, or he may seek satisfaction elsewhere as his wife continues to reject him over many years.
The marriage is in lots of trouble once the husband gets to a state of indifference and resentment because he is being rejected over a long period of time. This entire scenario is exacerbated if the wife doesn’t communicate or try to reconcile things with her husband. Part of the husband’s problem and the reason he feels rejected may be that his wife puts her time and energy into her career or the children and doesn’t prioritize her time with her husband.
The solution is simple. Wives. Do not reject your husband. Don’t withhold sex from your husband because that is very damaging to a man in his marital relationship. Don’t disrespect him or minimize his ideas, goals, and plans. Be with him instead of against him. Do not prioritize other things over your relationship with your husband. The two of you should have regular date nights, regular sex, regular fun, regular Bible study and prayer, regular conversations, and much more.
A married couple should be together, and rejection is a major opponent of that. Wives. Don’t reject your husband. Talk to your husband and ensure that you spend time and energy to nurture your relationship and to keep it going towards happiness. Husbands. Don’t give up on your marriage. Keep trying to make things better. Educate yourself and talk to your wife about how you feel without being condemning or confrontational. The goal is always to obtain a happy marriage. Work together to make things right.