What happens when a wife consistently rejects her husband, whether she is doing it on purpose or not? Of course, rejection hurts, but it is much worse in a relationship where they promised to love each other and enter the intimate relationship of marriage. Unfortunately, however, many men find themselves in a marriage where their wives constantly reject them. Eventually, bad things start to happen to the relationship.
Some men suffer silently to keep the peace, to avoid hurting their wives, or perhaps to prevent arguments. But, on the other hand, some men may go as far as to believe that maybe something is wrong with them, which causes his wife’s rejection. Unfortunately, that mindset also causes terrible things to happen in the relationship.
Rejection can take many forms in marriage, such as sexual and emotional rejection, disrespect, and more, as we will soon see. However, it is also important to note that “rejection” in this article is from the husband’s perspective, which is why communication is vital to a healthy marriage.
In this article, I reveal some of the consequences of wives knowingly or unknowingly rejecting their husbands. In addition to that, I will present some ways that wives might reject their husbands and what husbands and wives can do about it.
Ways a Wife Rejects Her Husband
Let me now list some of the ways that wives reject their husbands whether she realizes it or not. Sometimes a wife may not know her husband perceives a specific action as rejection.
She Doesn’t Respect Him
More precisely, the husband feels disrepected. One of the most important things a man wants from his wife is respect. Constantly rejecting him by disrespecting him will lead to him feeling that his wife does not value him, his knowledge, experience, wisdom, etc. Some men may react violently to being disrespected by their wives.
A disrespected husband will typically begin to pull away from his wife, causing a rift between them. His pulling away from his wife will eventually hurt their children, household, work, and so much more. It’s a bad thing for a man to have to go home from work or business knowing he will walk into a world of disrespect.
She Refuses to Have Sex With Him
Sex in marriage is critical to a man. Through it, he connects emotionally with his wife, and he expresses and receives love through sex. To refuse to have sex with her husband is the same as refusing him. She might have many reasons for not having sex with her husband, and some of them might be valid reasons. However, without proper and honest communication, the husband will surely see her refusal to have sex with him as an act of rejection.
She Prioritizes the Children Above Her Husband
Husbands may feel rejected by their wives if she engages with the children but leaves her husband to fend for himself. She seems to be able to find time for the children, but not for her husband. That act sends the message to her husband that he is not valued.
She Doesn’t Initiate Sex
Men want their wives to initiate sex sometimes. When the wife initiates sex, that sends the message to her husband that she desires him. If she doesn’t initiate sex sometimes, he might feel that she is not interested in sex and is therefore not interested in him. Even if they have sex, he might reason that she is only going through the motions to accommodate him or to keep the peace.
She Doesn’t Initiate Intimate Conversations
Intimate conversation is a way that a husband and wife can bond with each other. Suppose the wife does not initiate intimate conversations with her husband. In that case, he is likely to believe that she is uninterested in him as a person or what he has to offer to the relationship and household.
The husband might feel worse if he finds that she spends time talking regularly with other people like her friends or family.
She Does Not Engage Her Husband
Sometimes men “feel the waters” to see if it is safe to discuss something with their wives. For example, he might casually mention something to see if his wife bites. If she seems interested in what he has to say, he might continue to open up to her. However, if she does not engage, he may not pursue the conversation and assume that she is not interested. If this happens consistently, he will likely feel that she is not interested in him, which is a form of rejection.
She Does Not Make Time For Her Husband
If a man’s wife can find time for so many other things but does not find time for her husband, he will begin to think that she doesn’t care about him or her marriage. He may reason that her objective for marriage was to have children, have a man around, etc., and that she only cares about what he can functionally offer, not about him.
Engaging in Social Media More Than Her Husband
People tend to be busy with many things like their jobs, household responsibilities, children, etc. That means that each minute of each day is precious. If a wife does not engage her husband when he comes to her but instead consistently continues with social media or television, he will think that those things are more important than him.
Not Purposely Working on the Marriage
Men may feel taken for granted and rejected if they work on the marriage, but their wives do not. As a result, he may consume content about marriage, thinking that such information would help him create a happy marriage. However, he finds that his wife doesn’t share the same passion for nurturing the marriage.
If she doesn’t care to work on their relationship specifically, then that means she doesn’t care about him or their relationship. He may begin to feel as if she only married him for the resources he has to offer, e.g., lifting heavy objects, lawn care, home repairs, security, etc. He may reason that the only interest that she has in him is functional, not intimate.
He feels worse if his wife seems to be more dedicated to everything else except him, e.g., her job, education, raising children, religious activities, and more.
She Doesn’t Listen To Her Husband
One of the most frustrating things some husbands cope with is wives who do not listen to them. Men tend to be problem solvers and protectors. We do and say things for the benefit of our family. So when a man determines that something is not safe or could be done more efficiently and expresses this to his wife, he expects her to listen to him and take what he says seriously, even if she disagrees. However, if his wife overlooks what he says or even becomes argumentative, that is an act of rejection.
She Let’s Herself Go
A reader brought this method to my attention. Wives may reject their husbands by letting themselves go. She doesn’t respect her husband enough to take care of herself. She lets herself become unattractive and still expects him to express a desire for her. She takes him for granted. For example, she may become obese, wear old and unattractive clothes around the house, or not groom her hair.
The husband could perceive her actions as a sign of rejection and disrespect. She doesn’t respect him enough to make herself look nice and attractive to him. I am not suggesting that she has to wear makeup or dress like a model all the time. However, a wife who doesn’t take the time to make herself presentable to her husband, but will do so for others (e.g., visiting family or friends), is rejecting her husband by disrespecting him.
We have covered some ways that a wife may reject her husband, whether she realizes it or not. Some suggest that this places the blame of a bad marriage or the husband’s feelings on the wife. However, it is counterproductive to play the blame game.
What if the wife is rejecting her husband because he mistreats her? What if a woman constantly rejects her husband because she is responding to his bad behavior toward her? So, even though the husband feels rejected by his wife, he should not automatically feel like he is the victim. Instead, he should examine himself to ensure that he is worthy of her acceptance and respect.
We should consider the wife’s perspective as to why she might seem to reject her husband. Here are some things husbands should consider before assuming that his wife is rejecting them.
She is Protecting Herself
Some women had terrible experiences with men, and that pain persists in a marriage with a good man. It is simply a behavior that she has adopted over many years of being mistreated by a man. Unfortunately, such behavior is not going to disappear immediately.
She Has No Interest In Sex
The wife may have little to no interest in sex. She may be asexual, experience pain during sex, have been raped, or is psychologically opposed to sex. Whatever the reason, she might not be rejecting her husband sexually. She simply might not be interested in sex.
She Was Taught Sex is Bad
A woman may sexually reject her husband because she may have been programmed to think that sex is bad—usually in a religious setting. I’ve even heard teachings in churches claiming that sex was the original sin between Adam and Eve. Therefore, if the wife believes that sex is bad, she might avoid it.
The Consequences of Rejection
How does consistent rejection over many years, even decades, affect the husband? Men suffer when their wives constantly reject them, especially sexually. Men have feelings, emotional needs, and fundamental expectations of their wives. Therefore, men do not expect to be pushed away after the wedding day.
Let me now present to you some of the consequences of wives constantly rejecting their husbands.
Loss of Love and Affection
Continued rejection will result in the romantic love men have for their wives to wane. His wife may notice that he doesn’t attempt to touch or play with her like he used to. He may also seem suddenly uninterested in sex as he once was. The couple will become like roommates or coworkers as the intimacy between them diminishes.
Loss of Friendship
A husband wants his wife to be his friend, i.e., a person he can safely open his heart. However, that sense of friendship is lost if she consistently rejects him. It is improbable that two people would remain, friends, if one consistently rejects the other.
A rejected husband may think something is wrong with him, resulting in depression about his wife’s perception of him. He might think that perhaps he is a failure, and can’t please her romantically or sexually, among other things. As a result, he will pull away from his wife and begin the process of disengagement.
Men who are depressed about their marriage might start to do things they otherwise would not do to feel better about themselves. For example, they might start drinking, taking drugs, engaging in pornography, hanging out, or worse of all, seek the companionship and affection of another woman.
Frustration and Anger
Husbands have a need to be accepted, desired, loved, respected, and appreciated, among other things. If he doesn’t get those from his wife and begins to feel bad about himself or his marriage, he may become frustrated, angry, hostile, or indifferent towards his wife.
His frustration can lead him down a path of resentment towards his wife and possibly even his life. His frustration and anger could also lead him to do things he might later regret, such as seeking acceptance from another woman.
A rejected husband could become stressed about his marriage. It would be like going to a job that he hates every day or every time he thinks about it. Moreover, stress could spawn other problems in his mind and body since stress might cause many ailments in the body.
Some anxiety symptoms are low energy, headaches, muscle pains, chest pain, rapid heartbeat, insomnia, frequent colds or infections, and the loss of sexual desire or ability (from WebMD). In addition, prolonged stress can lead to depression, weakened immune system, high blood sugar, increased risk of heart attack, and more (from a healthline.com article).
Indifference and Resentment
I alluded to the possibility of resentment growing for a rejected husband’s wife. He might become increasingly apathetic about his marriage, and he’ll resent his wife for making him feel so bad. He might start thinking that his life could have been much happier if he had married someone else or not gotten married at all. A man who becomes indifferent towards his wife and marriage will slowly become emotionally detached from both.
Loss of Commitment
If a wife rejects her husband consistently for years or decades, he might eventually lose his commitment to the marriage. As a result, he slowly gives up on his marriage, which could open the doors to many other things that may gradually destroy the relationship.
A loss of commitment means that he might stop trying to build a loving relationship with his wife. Instead, he might resolve that things will always be wrong and accept his misery, or abandon his marriage and seek happiness elsewhere.
An unhappy marriage may go on for 10, 20, or 30 years before the husband gives up. In some cases, he might even reason that finding another woman to meet his need for acceptance will help him cope with his wife’s rejection.
The thrill of having another woman who seems to care about him, respect him, and make him feel desired can be problematic. He’ll find reasons to be away from his wife, and his behavior will start to change at home. He may suddenly seem happier with his wife. In his mind, he has found the solution to his wife’s rejection.
If his wife constantly rejects him, he will lose hope in establishing a fulfilling and happy marriage, which opens the doors to separation and divorce. He becomes increasingly alienated from his wife until there is no emotional connection. There may come the point when he gives up and wants to get away from such an unhappy, unfulfilling, and painful marriage. He reasons that divorce is the solution.
Let me provide insight into things that both husbands and wives can do to minimize husbands from feeling rejected.
Stop Rejecting Your Husband
Wives. Stop rejecting your husband. You are doing harm to your marriage. Think of the impact of your husband rejecting you. There is never a good reason to reject your husband (and I’m not talking merely sexually here). Husbands should be respected and loved the same way you expect to be respected and loved. You should not use sex as a way of controlling, punishing, or manipulating your husband. Respect him, love him, and be with him. Work on making that happen without blaming him for your actions
Nurture the Marriage
Husbands and wives should nurture their relationship. Have regular intimate conversations about the relationship and each other. Have regular date nights, regular sex, regular fun, regular Bible studies and prayer, and much more.
I cannot stress enough the importance of intimate and honest conversations in marriage. If you, the wife, have an issue with your husband then talk about it with him. Express yourself. Speak up. If you don’t say something then the problem will persist and you will become increasingly frustrated causing more harm to the relationship.
Don’t Blame Your Wife
Husbands. Do not blame your wife for the unhappiness of your marriage because doing so is counterproductive. Instead, make the issues known to her and don’t let up. On the other side of the conflict is resolution Sometimes men, wanting to keep the peace, will not challenge their wives because they don’t want to deal with the usual emotional response. However, sometimes you must stir things up so that peace can be realized.
Playing the blame game will not help. That goes for wives too. Don’t blame your spouse for things. Instead, do what you can to make things better.
Husbands Should Improve Themselves
Husbands should work to improve themselves. Perhaps the rejection is because of something you have been doing. For example, do you practice good hygiene and good grooming? Are you oppressing your wife or otherwise making her feel unhappy?
Jesus said to remove the beam from your eye, and you’ll be able to see clearly to remove the speck from someone else’s eye. Work on yourself first!
Seek God’s Wisdom
Married couples should seek God’s wisdom concerning any issue in the marriage. Pray together and for each other as you pursue genuinely being together. You might even try reading and discussing Scripture together. The things that bring you together are beneficial for your marriage.
Work on the Marriage
Both husbands and wives should work together to improve their marriage consistently. A good marriage requires work like anything else you want to succeed. If you want a happy marriage, you have to obtain it through hard work—both husband and wife. Neglecting to work on your marriage relationship is like ignoring your lawn and expecting it to be well-groomed and healthy.
Many men feel as though their wives are rejecting them, and it hurts them. They try to do what is right for the sake of the marriage, but things don’t improve. Their unhappiness might last for decades. Some men may, in turn, reject their wives and emotionally abandon the marriage. Still, others might seek a divorce.
There are many ways that a wife might reject her husband even if she doesn’t realize it. Unfortunately, the consequences of such rejections can become devastating to a marriage. It could even lead to infidelity or divorce.
Women should take responsibility in establishing a happy marriage along with their husbands. It’s not the husband’s fault or the wife’s fault. Both play a part in the condition of the relationship. Someone must step up and do what they can to make things better.
Women stop rejecting your husbands. Instead, tell him how you feel and work to make things better. Don’t assume he doesn’t care about you or the relationship. Get to know him and how to communicate with him so that you can hopefully resolve any issues between you both.
Men and women should work together to create a fulfilling and happy marriage. That requires intimate conversations, being emotionally intimate with each other, having sex or lovemaking “regularly,” educating themselves about marriage, seeking God’s help for the marriage, and getting to know each other intimately. Doing those things will help consistent rejection be eliminated and help the couple obtain a happy and fulfilling marriage.
Read the converse article:
The Consequences of Husbands Rejecting Their Wives
Read the follow-up article:
My Wife Constantly Rejects Me.
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